LoVe Adventures Through Music
by Nerdyesque
Summary: "After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music," Aldous Huxley.
1. Author's Note

**A/N: I've been struggling with returning to my VM alt 'verses, so I've been reading a lot of LoVe stories, hoping it would respark my Muse and bring back that special "it-ness" which propels all great stories. It's worked. Kinda. My writing fever is slowly returning to me, but it's expressing itself through interpretations of musical lyrics for my favorite couple instead of the nugget I need to finish my other tales. I'm going along because maybe this is the path back? As you're reading them, please note they're not in any particular order or necessarily related directly to the three seasons. Some of them are my re-imagination of a character or scene, but always, always, in relation to LoVe.**


	2. Back To Me

**Back to Me **

**Song lyrics by 3 Doors Down**

**Veronica Mars – pre Season 1 / Logan's POV of his relationship with a certain blonde**

**A/N: I don't know what it is about 3DD and their ability to tap into my psyche because I instantly heard Logan speaking when this song played for the first time. These are snippets of the relationship as it plays out.**

* * *

><p><strong>I have poured out my heart,<strong>

**And laid it right here for you,**

**And I've tried so hard,**

**That's the best I can do.**

**Please understand I am not who I was.**

He gasped for breath as he finished, barely able to keep himself from crushing her smaller body beneath him, his eyes instinctively searching her beautiful face for clues. He knew she wasn't a virgin any more than he was, but he still ached to make this special because it was the first time for _them_. She smiled brightly up at him, her hands gently threading through his thick brown hair, urging him to lie down next to her. Logan complied, tugging her into the curl of his body, dropping drowsy kisses along her bare shoulder.

"I love you, Lilly" he whispered into her skin when he was positive she was asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>You used to be all that I had,<strong>

**Now you're just not what I need,**

**I've got to get over you and I know,**

**Then I can get back to me.**

Logan's eyes narrowed as he watched Lilly flirting with the lifeguard, her long blond hair carelessly flicked back over one shoulder, one hand on the guy's arm. It was torture seeing her be so free with her affection when he wanted her to himself exclusively. He knew they were young yet, and it was too soon for such commitment, but it didn't stop him from needing _something_to belong to him alone.

* * *

><p><strong>Tears forget, that's more than I can do,<strong>

**'Casue they don't wash away,**

**All the things that we've been through,**

**I've put behind me my share of the shame,**

**We could call villains but it's all in vain.**

Lilly's arms encircled his bowed shoulders as her hands gently smoothed the neosporin into the deepest cut, something his father normally didn't leave behind. She didn't ask where he got the wound and he didn't volunteer the information, but he felt the care and concern in her touch. Logan pressed tear-wet lips to her collarbone in reverent thanks.

* * *

><p><strong>You used to be all that I had,<strong>

**Now you're just not what I need,**

**I've got to get over you and I know,**

**Then I can get back to me.**

She replaced her signature scent: that's when he first _knew_she was cheating on him. For the last two years she wore a light floral perfume reminiscent of her namesake, but suddenly she started wearing a deeper muskier vanilla, playing it off as a necessary change in the evolution of Lilly Kane. Logan was positive change was involved, but more to do with who slid across her bed sheets than any thing to do with her character.

* * *

><p><strong>All of my life I've waited hoping,<strong>

**Wanting you to see me the way that I am,**

**But now I know, that I'm not alone**

**Someone understands.**

Logan leaned over, his hand raising to gently cradle Yolanda's face. She was nothing like Lilly and he think that's why he kissed her. And, though he would deny it to his last breath, he was fully aware Ronnie had returned and was watching them; he always knew when she was around, an almost sixth sense he'd nicknamed his Marsdar. He'd spotted her tiny silver purse lying on the table and realized the sheriff's daughter would never leave without trying to find it first. Maybe that's why he did it - why he kissed another girl despite the very real risk of getting caught. If Ronnie knew, then Lilly did too.

* * *

><p><strong>You used to be all that I had,<strong>

**Now you're just not what I need,**

**I've got to get over you and I now,**

**Then I can get back to me.**

He watched her slip away through the shadows, heels abandoned so her feet were silent on the concrete as she rendezvoused with his replacement. Shards of glass sheered through his flesh as he crunched athe cup in his hand. He'd come to this party because he thought he could get Lilly alone and try to reconcile after this last viscous breakup. Who was he without Lilly Kane? But as usual, he was chasing after a woman hell-bent on running away.

* * *

><p><strong>You've got to know that...<strong>

**You used to be all that I had,**

**Now you're just not what I need,**

**I've got to get over you and I know,**

**Then I can get back to me.**

**Then I can get back to me**

**(Then I can get back to me)**

**Then I can get back to me.**

Logan parked across the street from where the pep squad were doing their annual car wash fundraiser, eyes on the two blondes with their heads bent close together. He'd started the insane trip back to Neptune from Mexico because he was sure he'd come up with a fool-proof plan to win Lilly, yet the closer he got, the more he realized how foolish he was for constantly chasing a girl who didn't, couldn't love him the way he deserved. She might take him back this time, smooth over the jagged cracks of their relationship with insincere apologies and false promises of fidelity, but how long would that last? How long was he willing to settle for second-best? Shaking his head at his own stupidity, he blew a soft kiss to the unaware blond, and sped off, resolving to not look in his rear-view mirror as he left her behind.


	3. The Sex Is Good

**The Sex is Good**

**Song lyrics by Saving Abel**

**Veronica Mars - Seasons 1 through 3  
><strong>

**#1 A/N: It's strange how certain songs just strike you with the force of a hammer. When I first heard this, I immediately thought of Logan and this little one-shot wrote itself. I always listen to music while writing and often times I am inspired by songs, but this is the first time I was moved to write the story to the lyrics.**

**#2 A/N: I'm somewhat OCD about certain things so I moved this from "Flashes in the Pan" one-shots to this collection of musically inspired one-shots since categorically it belongs here. So, if this gives you deja vu, yes you've probably read it before and commented on it.  
><strong>

* * *

><p><span>The Sex Is Good<span>

_You know all my deepest secrets_

_I think you know _

_You know to keep 'em_

_But I wonder if you know_

_I hate sleeping alone_

Logan watched Lilly twirl on the sand, the bodice of her pale champagne gown heroically attempting to keep her breasts in place. She looked carefree and happy, the habitual smirk and calculation absent from her face as she clasped hands with Veronica, a demure contrast in a princess pink dress. He knew this moment was fragile and fleeting, that such simple happiness wasn't sustainable, but still he wished this feeling could last forever and he could protect his two favorite girls from the harsh realities of being a child of Neptune.

* * *

><p><em>So come and tell me what my kiss tastes like<em>

_Don't want to miss it_

_So turn off the lights_

_But I wonder if you know_

_I hate sleeping alone_

Caitlyn's bony form was pressed tightly against him, her butt perched on his knee. Logan refrained from pushing her off, especially when Veronica's eyes rested upon them, and he could read the derision written across her face. Caitlyn was no Lilly Kane, not even a poor man's version, and he suddenly felt ashamed of the heated hours spent in her embrace, bodies slicked and sweating with exertion. The shame prodded his ever present anger, and he glared back at his nemesis, making sure she was watching as he leaned forward until his mouth was pressed against his girlfriend's neck, teeth leaving a faint purple mark on her tanned skin. Triumph and a strangely sour pain churned restlessly in his stomach when Veronica merely arched a brow and turned away.

* * *

><p><em>(Chorus)<em>

_I have to fake it_

_I'd leave if I could_

_I'm not in love_

_But the sex is good_

_You can't mistake it_

'_Cause it's understood_

_I'm not in love_

_But the sex is good (yeah, mhm!)_

* * *

><p><em>You got to know<em>

_Know my weakness_

_You always touch _

_In all the right places_

_We don't get along that well_

_Not much for talk_

_But you're hot as hell_

Logan quickly dressed, wishing he had enough time to take a shower to wash Kendall from his pores. She was hot as fuck, and hot to fuck, but he always felt vaguely dirty after sex, as if he were doing something wrong; not normal wrong, but wrong wrong. He was living every teenage boy's fantasy by nailing Stacy's mom (or in this case Dick's step-mom), but it wasn't as fun as he thought it might be. He closed the door behind him and stopped dead, stricken to the heart by the sight of Veronica, hair and clothing mussed in an obvious way, slipping out from Duncan's room. The flush and small bemused smile on her face was a proclamation of its own, and he felt cheated. The time spent with her had been passionate and intense, but sex had never been part of the bargain; now she lay down for the Golden Prince, thighs open with welcome, reminding him once again he was merely the Court's Fool.

* * *

><p><em>Chorus<em>

* * *

><p><em>It's not like<em>

_I wanna stick around_

_It's just tonight_

_I'm gonna lay you down (yeah)_

Hannah's hand was slippery in his, the moistness of her palm a pointed reminder at how nervous she was at how public their relationship suddenly became. Words of reassurance fell from Logan's lips even as his eyes searched over her head for a particular aggravating blond; this moment couldn't be triumphant without the weight of Veronica's eyes and expectations upon him. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it still make a sound? A sixth sense (or maybe Lilly's hand?) had him glance over his shoulder in time to see Veronica's longish blond hair caught up in a swinging ponytail as she walked away.

* * *

><p><em>(Chorus)<em>

* * *

><p><em>So now you know <em>

_What my kiss tastes like_

_So in the morning_

_I say goodbye_

_But I wonder_

_If you know_

_I hate sleeping alone_

Their first kiss was awkward and tentative because Logan didn't know how to hold Parker. He was used to hard girlishness and potent fire, not hearts and butterflies wrapped up in a bow. He thought he could understand her, this cracked and frightened girl, but she didn't try to bury her pain and horror; instead, she grieved, and cried, and screamed, and raged. Their second kiss was strained because Parker was too tall and felt dizzy when he spun her. She laughed unashamedly when his feet went one way and her feet didn't follow. The open-hearted giggles were carefree and joyous, a heart-stopping reminder of two young blondes twirling on the sand, positive their world would never end. Their third kiss was awash with sorrow as Parker's tears filled his mouth when she whispered goodbye. It was only fitting Veronica stood behind sliding elevator doors, a silent witness to another woman brought low by Logan's ghosts.

* * *

><p><em>(Chorus x2)<em>


	4. Careless Whisper

**Careless Whisper**

**Song sung by Seether**

**Veronica Mars – Episode "Plan B" **

**A/N: I heard this song earlier today and it just popped fully written in my head. The quotes for the first two parts were actually in the show.**

* * *

><p><strong>I feel so unsure<strong>

**As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor**

**As the music dies**

**Something in your eyes**

**Calls to mind a silver screen**

**And all its sad goodbyes**

"Dance with me."

Veronica knew the minute she asked Logan to dance, she'd made a mistake. His large hand enveloped hers and the press of callused skin against hers was so intimately familiar, she could feel her body tighten with remembered pleasure. She was very hopeful no one could see the flush sweeping across her cheeks as she linked her hands behind his neck and looked up at him, staring into those heated whiskey brown eyes. The song, the other people, even the room itself seemed to fade as she gazed back at him in stunned awareness, almost intoxicated by his sheer presence.

* * *

><p><strong>Chorus<strong>

**I'm never gonna dance again**

**'Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm**

**Though it's easy to pretend**

**I know you're not a fool**

**I should have known better than to cheat a friend**

**And waste the chance that I'd been given**

**So I'm never gonna dance again**

**The way I dance with you**

* * *

><p><strong>Time can never mend<strong>

**The careless whispers of a good friend**

**To the heart and mind**

**Ignorance is kind**

**There's no comfort in the truth**

**Pain is all you'll find**

"When I've dreamed of this moment, _Time of My Life_ was always playing. Well, what can you do?"

He hoped she didn't notice his hands were slightly trembling as he put them around her waist. It was hard being here, holding her, when he knew as soon as the music stopped he'd have to let her go. He needed more, needed to be alone with her so he could feel her heart beat against his bare chest, the tempo keeping him grounded and sane. It's been too long since he'd really held Veronica, and while he knew she asked him to dance to curb his intemperate response to Gia, he couldn't help but wish this stupid song would last forever. Yet, he also wanted to flee the dance floor because he could feel tears welling up in his eyes over the utter perfection and rightness of her body next to his.

* * *

><p><strong>Chorus<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Tonight the music seems so loud<strong>

**I wish that we could lose this crowd**

**Maybe it's better this way**

**We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say**

Their feet slowed until they just stood there, hands linked around the other, incapable of looking away. Veronica felt fear mix with her arousal into a potent and fiery brew that threatened to overwhelm her good sense. This _thing_ between them was why she never worked with Duncan, why she couldn't be sorry she didn't go away with him when he ran with baby Lilly. It wasn't hard to say no when she didn't feel this heady desire to just let go and let him catch her; Duncan would drop her, but Logan never would. The longer she stood staring at him, the more she forgot the reasons why they would never work.

* * *

><p><strong>We could have been so good together<strong>

**We could have lived this dance forever**

**Now, who's gonna dance with me?**

**Please stay.**

Logan studied her deep blue eyes and resisted the urge to kiss away the small furrow between her eyebrows. It wasn't his place to take care of her anymore, but he didn't like the purple shadows beneath her eyes, a sure sign she wasn't sleeping but obsessing over some case. His hands clenched at her back as he struggled not to show his concern or throw her over his shoulder and take her away from this. The longer he stood staring at her, the more his heart broke over all the reasons why they'd never work.

* * *

><p><strong>Chorus<strong>


	5. Swans

**Swans**

**Song by Unkle Bob**

**Veronica Mars – pre season 1 AU & Seasons 1-3 & post 3 AU**

**A/N: I'm not a big fan of Duncan, so imagine my surprise when I heard this song and the story was from his point of view. The scenes are in chronological order from various points of his life when they intersect with Veronica's.**

* * *

><p><em>By my side,<em>

_You'll never be_

_By my side,_

_You'll never be_

Duncan remembered the first time he saw Veronica Mars: she was a tiny whirlwind on the soccer field, her long blond hair tied back in some complicated braid that flew behind her like a banner as she raced to catch the ball. He could just make out her last name stitched across the back of her green and white jersey arched over the number one; a queer hollow feeling settled in his stomach as his eyes never left her, everyone else fading into the background. He couldn't have explained his fascination if anyone had asked, but since no one did he was able to keep her a secret, perplexing his parents with his new obsession for biking to Neptune Park every Saturday morning. Eventually, of course, his secret was exposed by his curious and bored older sister, who followed him one day and watched him watch the game. Logan, conscripted into her spying scheme, was dispatched to find out intel on what Duncan found so fascinating. He couldn't find the right words so he lifted a hand and pointed her out, the dervish made human, never understanding until it was far too late what he'd done.

* * *

><p><em>Cause I'm fake at the seams<em>

_Lost in my dreams_

_And I want you to know_

_That I can let you go_

The aching sorrow of her grief and bewilderment pressed upon Duncan's heart and his control nearly cracked as he desperately wanted to comfort her, cry with her, and find solace in her arms over the death of his beloved Lilly, but he couldn't yield to her soft blue eyes. He pretended he didn't see her as he walked down the hall, the weight of his secret almost as heavy as the burden of her emotions. Everything tasted like ash and nothing was left sacred, including their one perfect night. He ignored Logan's anger and despair, turning his eyes away when Ronnie slowly melted and a stranger took her place.

* * *

><p><em>And you're never coming home again<em>

_And you're never coming home again_

Duncan watched in horror as Logan spun Veronica, their lips and hands entwined, as they were silhoutted against the door into the darkened room filled with 09ers and various hangers on for Aaron's belated surprise party for his son's birthday. He couldn't breathe, couldn't feel Meg's arm on his, or hear her cries when he stormed out of the house and rushed to his truck. The brand new shininess of its coat offended him so he grabbed a shovel and slammed it over and over into it, getting a sick thrill out of destroying it to obliterate the pain of knowing Veronica was moving on to someone new; especially with Logan Fucking Echolls, his now ex-best friend.

* * *

><p><em>By my side,<em>

_you'll never be_

_By my side,_

_you'll never be_

_You'll never be_

Her tentative knock on his door awakened him and he opened it to her jagged sobs, her small frame shaking with the force of her emotions. He dragged her into his arms and brushed his lips against her forehead, happy she came to him with her tears. In the past few weeks he'd sensed some reservation on her part, a small but noticeable physical distance, and he pretended not to see the looks exchanged with her ex or the tense hushed conversations in the hallways. Yet now here she was: the bus crash had done more for him than anything else because it drove her him for comfort. The thought should've shamed him, but he was too lost drowning in Veronica's touch and taste to really care about anything else.

* * *

><p><em>I wanted to tell you I've changed<em>

_I wanted to tell you that _

_things would be different this time_

Duncan searched for Veronica all morning, Meg's pregnancy weighing heavily in his soul. He knew from experience how hard it was to keep things from her and he was determined to do the right thing. She already knew about his visits, now she just needed to know exactly _why _he kept going. He couldn't help but think if he'd only come clean before when he thought she was his sister, things would've probably turned out differently, and he wouldn't be caught between two women. He finally spotted his tiny blond huddled over a table, her eyes on the inedible contents of her lunch tray; he licked his lips nervously and assured himself for the thousandth time that day, she'd understand and would still stay by his side. It was until her gaze tuned to his, burning with knowledge of his terrible secret, that he began to realize he was lying to himself.

* * *

><p><em>I see you, you see me<em>

_differently_

_I see you, you see me_

_differently_

He knew when he kissed her and said how much he would always love her, he wasn't lying. It seemed absurd to find your true love at age thirteen, but he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. For him, it would always be Veronica Mars, even when he was old and gray. She understood his daughter's needs had to come first and once everything was cleared up, he'd return triumphant so they could go into their happily ever after. It probably wouldn't be for a while, but he knew she'd wait for him just like she waited that terrible year after Lilly died. Just like the fortune cookie slip said: true love stories never have endings.

* * *

><p><em>You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again<em>

_You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again_

_You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again_

Duncan sipped at the fruity white wine in his hand, eyes focused on the swaying couple in the center of the dance floor; Veronica looked delicate and fragile caught up in Logan's brawny arms, her white dress splashing like foam against the dark cloth of his tuxedo. There was an intense almost tangible energy arching between them and Duncan's fingers tightened on the stem of his glass. This was supposed to be _his _day, _his _bride, and _his_ child gently swelling her belly; he'd known since he was thirteen he was destined to make Veronica Mars his wife, ever since he saw her running on that damn soccer field with knee-high socks and white-blond braid. Now he watched the promise crumble before him as she stood on tip-toe and whispered something into her new husband's ear, making him laugh wickedly, her ring catching the light where it lingered on his shoulder.


	6. Someone Like You

**Someone Like You **

**Song by Adele**

**Veronica Mars: Futurefic, post Season 3**

**A/N: I love this song and I always hear something new whenever I listen to it. I've been toying with writing a story to the lyrics, but nothing ever seemed right until tonight. It just popped into my head as I was editing another story and I couldn't wait to write it down. I've only used the main stanzas and refrain once, so it's not the complete song.**

* * *

><p><strong>I heard that you're settled down,<strong>

**that you found a girl and **

**you're married now.**

**I heard that your dreams came true.**

**Guess she gave you things I didn't **

**give to you.**

She melted into the crowd, looking for her friend, when she heard the unmistakable voice of Logan Echolls, the only man to ever break her heart. Her head swiveled left and then right trying to locate him, but there were too many people in the dimly lit space for her to pinpoint him exactly. She wasn't sure if she was trying to avoid him or find him so they could talk; it'd been five years since their last encounter when their relationship imploded beneath the weight of her jealousy and accusations, and his seeming indifference. Even though she eventually moved past the cutting heartbreak, a small part of her wondered if she had handled it differently, would she be his wife now instead of whomever he married? She could've asked Mac about it, but she was too afraid she knew who carried his name. Just as she despaired of finding either her friend or Logan, the crowd parted and there he stood with a drink in one hand, head thrown back in laughter. Her breath hitched, heart thumped, and curses fell soundlessly from her lips as her body reacted as it always had at his presence.

* * *

><p><strong>Old friend, why are you so shy?<strong>

**It ain't like you to hold**

**back or hide from light.**

**I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited**

**but I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it.**

**I'd hoped you'd see my face and **

**that you'd be reminded**

**that for me it isn't over.**

It was madness, sheer madness, to weave through the bodies surrounding her to approach him, but he was ever the lodestone to her senses, and she was as helplessly drawn to him as a moth to the flame. It was a cliched, but apt analogy; the intoxication of his kisses coupled with his knowing fingers had often caused her to drown in sensuality during their three year relationship until she'd been a willing puppet beneath his masterful touch. He wasn't her first lover, but the first one to show her how to respond to the raging river of desire she'd been taught to subvert. Logan was the boy all Daddies feared would come for their daughters and the standard no man since him could follow. When she finally reached his side, all words flew from her mind as she suddenly realized despite all the conversations she'd rehearsed in the off chance they run into one another, she'd never actually expected it to happen. Their breakup had ripple effect as their friends had taken sides and she'd escaped across country to hide from the mess, transferring schools so she could heal in relative peace.

* * *

><p><strong>Nevermind I'll find someone like you.<strong>

**I wish nothing but the best for you too.**

**Don't forget me I beg, I remember you said:**

There was no reason to try to speak to him now; what could she possibly say? Words were weapons, not tools of communication with him, and she couldn't use her tried and true method of tactile sensation to say what was in her heart as she did when they dated. Yet, as she decided to slip away unnoticed, her sleeve brushed his and he turned to her, his eyes widening with surprise when he saw her. The rush of years faded away and she was the girl in love with this boy once again, her fingers tingling with the need to trace his beloved face and relearn its contours so she could learn what the intervening years had made of him. She fought the urge to stand on her tip-toes and press her lips to his as easily and carelessly as she once took for granted, expecting it to remain her right always. The glint of gold on his left hand reminded her of more than the passage of time between then and now.

* * *

><p><strong>Sometimes it lasts in love, <strong>

**but sometimes it hurts instead**

**Sometimes it last in love, **

**but sometimes it hurts instead**

Looking at his familiar visage was heart-shatteringly painful in ways she hadn't expected; he wasn't supposed to be the love of her life, just the boy who taught her to love again, but this moment reminded her of how much and how little she'd changed since they last spoke. His half-smile and slight ducking of his head robbed her of what breath she had left, and her eyes slid shut to hold back the press of salt brimming at her eyelashes. Life had taught her not to expect fairness, but in this moment she wanted to stamp her feet and thrum her hands against the floor as she wailed her heart-break to uncaring gods.

* * *

><p><strong>You know how the time flies.<strong>

**Only yesterday was the time of our lives.**

**We were born and raised in summery haze.**

**Bound by the surprise of our glory days.**

The low murmur of his words flowed around her and she responded in a half-daze, memories bleeding into the present until she felt dizzy and overwhelmed by the unstable merging. Who was this man, and what had he done with her raging warrior poet who once used her flesh as his medium to create works of bruising splendor? Intimate questions trembled on her lips as she sought to understand how Logan could be at such ease with her presence while she quivered and swayed like a sapling caught in a gale force. Had she meant nothing? Was she so easily discarded and forgotten? How had he managed to shed the taste and scent of her when she felt as if he had tattooed his essence into her very soul? Yet, even as she burned to ask, she withdrew behind the veil of polite meaninglessness because she couldn't bear to open herself to his scrutiny, revealing the still raw wound of his absence she had once thought closed until standing before him now.

* * *

><p><strong>Nothing compare no worries or cares.<strong>

**Regrets and mistakes they're memories made.**

**Who would have known how bittersweet it would taste?**

She saw the small pale hand on his arm first, each finger a declaration of possession, before seeing the woman it connected to. The planes of Logan's face shifted from polite mask to deep abiding love at the touch; it was a subtle change, and one many might've missed, but she'd once studied his expressions like they were Holy Writ, so she recognized the fervor of devotion only one person had ever engendered, and despaired, all of her questions answered in a humiliating flood of realization of his wife's identity. It was _her_, the ghost who'd always stood between them, the echo behind every word, and the silence after each protestation of love. Parker smiled briefly, lightly, greeting Veronica as if her heart weren't breaking again, just as it did the day the other woman came back to Neptune and Logan. She was surprised she didn't choke on her congratulations for their recent nuptials, even as her eyes swept the crowd trying to find an escape from this uncomfortable situation; with more tact and less pity than expected, Veronica drew Logan away with a carefully worded excuse, leaving Parker to stare after the golden couple while blinking back tears and silently promising _this_ time would be different. She would get over him and stay that way.


	7. Here By Me

**Here By Me**

**Sung by 3 Doors Down**

**Veronica Mars: AU Season 3 – ostensibly it takes place during the ski trip to Aspen when Logan was a naughty boy and slept with Madison, but...well...you'll see. Rated M for mature language and adult situations.**

**A/N: It's that time of year again, so of course the old favorites are going to be trotted out; I know Christmas is over, but I woke this morning with this fully embedded in my mind, so I had to write it down. It's an idea I've been kicking around since last holiday season, but never came to fruition until today (once again 3DD spoke to my heart and clarified everything for me). Happy New Year and good luck writing to you all! I will warn you this is longer than my usual song-hybrid stories, but when my muse speaks, I must obey. **

* * *

><p><em>I hope you're doing fine out there without me,<em>

_'cause I'm not doing so good without you_

_The things I thought you'd never know about me,_

_Were the things I guess you always understood_

* * *

><p>"You're such a bitch, Veronica. I guess the rumors circulating around high school had some truth."<p>

Logan felt sick as the words left his mouth, but his anger rushed to cover the shame and he curved his lips mockingly as her face flushed rage at his insult. Since he'd started a majority of them, and she knew it, it was a palpable hit. Since they started their on-again/off-again relationship almost three years ago, the subject of his torment throughout much of their Sophmore year of high school was off-limits. She pretended she forgave him and he pretended to believe her, but moments like this revealed the seething underbelly of their volatile love.

"Oh, nice Logan. Really reaching in the bag of tricks of yours; I believe this one is this one is the psychotic jackass who's just hiding his daddy issues beneath his bad boy image." She tapped her finger against her lips as if thinking. "Must get all the girls wet thinking they could save you."

He tensed at her words, inwardly cursing himself for not remembering she was just as good as him at striking below the belt. They'd been friends and enemies (_no cutesy words like frenemies for them_) for too long not to know which bruises or scars to press. It was insane how well-matched they were for fucked-up parental issues; in the calmer moments, it made for an amazing emotional connection, but at times like this, it was merely fuel for the eternal pyre of their self-hatred and agonizing.

"Got you wet for me. You parted your thighs so fast I thought for a minute I was fucking Lilly again."

Shock lanced through Veronica, her pale skin turning even whiter at his dig. Logan immediately regretted it on several levels: this was the first time he'd directly or indirectly referenced his sexual relationship with Lilly in a fight and it was unkind, even by his standards, to damage her fragile self-esteem when it came to sex. The rape had several repercussions and it was out and out amazing to him she was able to trust him enough to abandon the usual reserve and coldness she exhibited in every other avenue of her life. She would never believe him when he told her she was the best lover he'd ever had; it wasn't a lie because it was the first time in his life he could trust the reactions and emotions a woman showed him in bed. It was the only time she let down her mask enough for him to see the inner complicated being that comprised her into the woman he adored and hated beyond all reason.

He immediately reached out to her, to tug her into his arms, because he suddenly couldn't even remember what sparked this fight. The reasons were generally forgotten the moment the tinder lit, and they were crazy out of control, but this was the first time he'd gone for her jugular in this manner. His hand fell in the empty space when she backed away from him and he was suddenly frightened; since when did _Veronica Mars_ back away from confrontation? It was one of the many things that terrified him about her because she had the little dog complex: she always thought she was as big if not bigger than her adversary and didn't have the self-preservation to move aside when yapping didn't work. Logan suddenly knew if he didn't get through the coldness even now blanketing her face, he'd lose her for sure.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry. That was a fucked up thing to say. You make me crazy and I say things I don't mean."

The sharp bitterness of her laugh cut him because it reminded him of the one she had in high school, when they hated one another, not the soft girlish giggles she'd slowly revealed over the last few months.

"Logan, you never say what you don't mean, even when insulting someone. You're a master of the zingers, even I have to admit, and you meant that. I always thought it was strange how you could go from the Lillies and Kendalls of the world to me without needing or wanting more."

"No, no. Ronnie, stop. It's not like that. Fuck, let me explain..."

He had no idea _what_ to explain since a little alien had overtaken his brain and controlled his mouth a moment ago; he truly didn't think or believe that. Logan never felt as wanted or needed or loved as much as when he was sinking into her welcoming warmth; it was more than physical, almost spiritual joining for him. He'd never said that to her because he thought it made him sound like a pansy, but now, now, he needed to tell her more than ever.

"Veronica...I just can't understand why you insist on taking such risks..."

"Oh, buddy, you're not going to avert this fight by going back to the beginning. So this is what you really think of me, huh? You think what happened is my fault, that I asked for it by going to the party."

Logan just stared at her, hearing her words, but for once heard beneath to the subtext of her thought and realized _she_ believed it. He'd begged, Wallace begged, even Mac in her own way begged, for Veronica to get some counseling, but as usual she buried herself behind an impenetrable wall; it was ultimately this violation that paved the way for everything else that followed.

"You were raped, pure and simple, Ronnie. That night was fucking horrible for a number of reasons, but nothing you did deserved that."

Tears choked his voice as memories flashed of his actions which led to her being vulnerable and defenseless. He had wished her ill, had tried to hurt her, but never meant for it to pass into the physical realm. It killed him he'd been a part of that; it was a night that still shamed him despite the absolution she granted him after she found out he'd brought the GHB to the party. She turned her head a way for a moment, but he thought he saw a tiny beam of relief steal across her features.

"I love you Veronica. Do you love me?"

She bit her lip, eyes willing with tears she would never shed in front of him, and nodded slightly after a full minute of silence. It hurt he always had to ask because she never said it. Not once had she ever came out and said it. Sadly, he didn't doubt her feelings; what he doubted was her ability to believe and have faith in her love, much less his. That horrible year of death, rape, and desertion followed by investigating the rot beneath the gold-lined streets of Neptune had definitely influenced her in ways most teenaged girls her age never dealt with or thought about outside crime noir films or books.

Logan hugged her to his chest and was comforted by the slight weight of her head against his shoulder. It wasn't a fix or a truce by any means, but for now they'd lay down their arms and limp onward to the inevitable conclusion. He was dying by inches but couldn't change the demands of his heart which kept him trying to reach out to her.

* * *

><p><em>So how could I have been so blind for all these years?<em>

_I guess I only see the truth through all this fear_

_of living without you_

* * *

><p>Logan eyed the bottom of his glass with a frown, wondering where his drink went so fast. He drunkenly wondered if there was a hole, then fell into contemplation of where holes in glasses come from and why. It was a profound moment, so naturally he was very upset when arms wrapped around his waist and a familiar voice purred "Hello Logan," in his ear.<p>

The seductive rumble couldn't hide the nasally quality of her voice and he grimaced before turning around, facing Madison Sinclair in all her bitchy glory.

"I thought I smelled sulfur. "

The look of confusion was enough to set him off in laughter, something she clearly didn't appreciate by the glare forming on her heavily-made up face. He wanted to tell her for nineteen she looked remarkably older, but the words couldn't form through the belly-shaking guffaws currently keeping him busy.

"Stop laughing at me Logan! Otherwise I won't give you your present."

The sly tone piqued his interest as this was the first time someone had given him a present in a very long time. He ignored the pain in his heart when he thought of the gift he'd painstakingly chosen for Veronica, now forever relegated to the back of his closet. They'd never lasted long enough to get into the ritual of gift-exchange and Dick was a self-involved asshole, so this was something new in his world since his parents had...gone.

"I'm ready."

Her smile matched her tone, and her fingers were suggestive when they brushed against his chest. Disappointment weighed heavily on him when he realized where this was going, but at the same time, why not? He was lonely and wanted a distraction and she certainly could provide it, though every time her hair brushed him, he saw Veronica's blond hair instead, and he nearly pushed her away. They were broken up, but he still felt like he was betraying her every time he even looked at another girl; not that happened often, since he still saw her face, the piquant features drawn up into a smile, a grimace, pain, fear, love, passion...he had a million Veronica looks imprinted in his mind to last him several life-times.

"If you come up to my room, it would be easier to give you the gift."

He nodded mechanically, still caught up in his day-dreams over his ex, and slipped off the stool to follow her up the stairs. At the top, he couldn't bear to go to her room, so he wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her into the direction of his. His heart protested his actions, but was soundly drowned out by the cold clinical analysis of his mind, assessing the situation as best as it could through the pickled fog of several days drunkenness. If he went to her room, he would be pressed to sneak through the hallways in the morning, but if she came to his, he could roust her out when they were done and still be among his own things.

Satisfied by this assessment, Logan allowed her to wrap herself around him, and avoided her lips on his as they stumbled through his door. If he was going to actually go through with this, he didn't want any doubts to the nature of this: it was a hookup and nothing more. Logan had no intentions of calling her in the morning or spending any time with her outside of however long it took for him to get off.

They landed on his bed, him beneath her, and soon their clothes melted away despite his overt drunkenness and subconscious desire to avert this crisis in the making. A small part of him was screaming at him to stop, to sober up, but he buried it beneath the weak lust she inspired with her hands and mouth, allowing her to do the majority of the work because he could really care less about her pleasure. This was punishment, pure and simple, and so he lay back passively accepting whatever she gave to him, only denying her the softness of his kisses because even in the midst of this, he wouldn't let her tarnish the last memory of Veronica's skin against his mouth.

She rode his lower body with athletic ease even he had to admire, even as he closed his eyes to her image and replaced it with a more palatable one, and it was _her_ name he groaned when animal lust and laws of nature caught up with him. He was just grateful Madison had remembered to put a condom on because otherwise this could've ended up a lot worse than knowing how the _real_ slut of Neptune High fucked.

Sure, she hadn't really been with anyone besides Dick and sometimes Sean off and on for four years, but it wasn't out of any sense of modesty or virtue but because none of the other 09ers were willing to put up with her bullshit and money-hungry ways. She'd had a rep for being a gold-digger despite her own parents' wealth, which made him laugh silently because it was one of Madison's favorite taunts towards Veronica in high school.

"Pot meet kettle."

"What?"

"Nothing. Get out."

Her squawking and spitting was annoying, so he pushed her off the bed and turned over, uncaring if she left or spent it on the floor, just as long as she didn't try to get back in with him. Veronica was the only girl who'd ever slept beside him, and he had no intentions of making Madison the second. Guilt and pain lay heavily on his heart and he frowned, clenching a fist as his ex flashed before his face again as she always did when he had a moment of clarity. How dare she have such a hold on him when it was _her_ who couldn't trust enough in them, in their love, to try to make it work. He was so tired of being the one who always ran after her, only to have their past throw back into his face. He was done – just done – with her.

"I wish you were never born Veronica Mars."

* * *

><p><em>And everything I have in this world<em>

_and all that I'll ever be_

_it could all fall down around me_

_just as long as I have you right here by me_

* * *

><p>"Wakey wakey eggs and bacey"<p>

Logan stirred reluctantly because felt as if he should know the voice; it was as familiar as his own skin, yet strange all at the same time.

"Wake up Logan Echolls before I tickle your toes!"

He shot up in bed at the potent threat, moaning as his head and stomach vehemently protested the abrupt movement with sharp pain and nausea, clear indications his overindulgence was coming back to haunt him.

"Here," a blurred motion, then a wastebasket was shoved beneath his face just as his body completely rebelled and he vomited the last four days worth of alcohol. "Man, I wish he had warned me this could actually get physical for you. That's so gross."

The distaste in the feminine tone was clear, and he blearily opened his eyes when he stopped heaving, propping his head over the vile mess in the container. The woman before him was blonde with blue eyes and dressed in something green and white. The sunlight streaming through the windows behind her made it appear as if she were translucent, but surely it was just his mind playing tricks on him. There was something shatteringly familiar about her, even more so than her voice, but he was too hung over to connect the dots.

"Do I know you?"

The sharp bark of laughter accompanied a tearing pain in his chest as he froze. He knew, _knew_ only one person who could sound both dismissive and amused at the same time.

"I've died and you're here to collect my soul, eh Lilly?"

"Oh, Logan."

She came closer, curving her hand to the contours of his cheek, and he allowed himself to rest against her briefly. It had never been about comfort for them, even during the first heady days of love, so he didn't linger longer than a moment. Since he was too preoccupied with his body's retaliation over drinking, he didn't see the fleeting glance of sorrow and shame flash across her face at his rejection of her touch. She knew she deserved it as she hadn't been the best girlfriend, or even friend, to him while alive, and she silently promised him she'd make it up to him now. This was for both of them, the two best people she knew and loved in both worlds (_the living and the dead_).

"No, it's not about that, you dunderhead! Geesh, you slept with Madison Sinclair? Ugh, if I weren't already dead, I'd have to take a bleach bath just to get her scavvies off me and you willingly had sex with her?"

Logan gritted his teeth in anger but refrained from commenting because she was really just saying what he felt. He regretted it more than he could say that he wasn't stronger the night before. About to say so, he froze again as he took in his surroundings. He was in his bedroom, not at the hotel in Aspen, but the bedroom of the house that burned down at the hands of Eli Navarro and his biker gang the summer before.

"What the ..."

Lilly bounced, no other word for it, and clapped her hands gleefully. "Isn't it great? You're home! Just like you wanted. 'Tis a miracle!"

Logan ignored the phenom of his dead ex-love cheering and slowly slid off the bed. Nearly everything looked the same, except the posters on the wall. There was something off about them, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it as he was too busy taking in the view of something he'd lost a while ago.

"How the hell is this possible? Are you sure I'm not dead?"

"Oh, no. Trust me when I say this: you, Logan Echolls, are far from dead. It's not one I'm sure you deserve, but you've been given a second chance nonetheless."

"This isn't real, this isn't real."

Lilly huffed, the sign of frustration making him smile despite his delusional state. If he was going off the deep-end, or having an alcoholic induced nightmare, at least he still got certain things right.

"It really is, Logan. I know you think there's no one out there looking out for you, but honestly, there is! You've not been forgotten," she flicked her eyes significantly up to the ceiling before continuing. "You may not believe in Him, but He believes in you. You've gone through so much, the boys upstairs thought it was only fitting you get a chance to do it all over again."

"This isn't real, this isn't real."

Lilly stomped over to him, the sound of her feet absorbed by the fluffy carpet, and pinched his naked chest before dropping her fingers lower to his boxer-covered genitals. Logan hastily stepped away from her with his hands cupped protectively across his groin.

"Did that hurt?"

He nodded his head, regretting it immediately when the room swam briefly, so he sagged against the bed again. It was probably fortunate he was sitting because in the next moment, the door opened and his dad's head peer around the corner.

"Oh good, you're finally up. C'mon down as I've made your favorite breakfast."

"Dad?"

"That's usually what you call me."

The megawatt smile worth millions beamed at him from a face he last saw immobile and dead, the top half of Aaron's head gone in an explosion of gunfire, brain matter and bone splattered across the tv in a Neptune Grande Hotel Room. The soulless dark eyes, the color the exact copy Logan saw every day in the mirror, were lasered on him with the same alertness of a predator hiding in the grasses at a watering hole. He saw everything from Logan's pallor to the incriminating trash can still on the bed, but the smile never faltered and the cheeriness didn't fade. Logan didn't trust the fatherly love reflected back at him because Aaron could have the same expression while whipping the hell out of him with a smooth Italian belt as he told his son it was for his own good.

"Come on down and join us for breakfast."

"Us?"

For a moment his heart lifted as he thought about seeing his mom again. She hadn't been the best of mothers, hell she'd probably win Worst Mother of the Year award, but he still loved her and knew she felt the same way towards him, despite her weaknesses. But his father's words caused his swelling heart to sink back into place.

Aaron rolled his eyes. "Son, you need to get over your hatred of your step-mother. Yes, I know you think I married too fast after your mother's death, but she's good for me. For us. So join us." The last bit was spoken with a deeper and darker intonation, the one Logan knew spelled trouble for him if he didn't obey. Normally it was enough to push him in the opposite direction, force him to rebel against it, but shock held too tight a grip on him, by the appearance of his dead father and ex-girlfriend, not to mention his surroundings.

"Yes sir."

Aaron's smile lightened into a true one, something Logan rarely saw, and a tightened band around his heart released a little at the sight. He didn't realize it, but the buried little boy in his soul rejoiced at the small sign his father loved him; even if it was a facade, it was something even abused children never quite really got over wanting.

"Get dressed and Logan, next time don't drink so much. It's not good for you, son."

The door silently closed and Logan shakily walked over to his dresser and opened it, astounded to find pressed khakis – pants and shorts – instead of his usual designer jeans.

"What's going on? Where are my clothes?"

Lilly, unnoticed until now, drifted to him and peered into the opened drawer.

"These are yours," she announced as she looked at the waistband of one, where his measurements were written on a tag.

Logan ignored her as he began tossing the clothes aside, opening each dresser, and then the closet, aghast to find his usual assortment of surfing gear, jeans, t-shirts, and shorts were replaced with the Abercrombie and Fitch catalog. While he had shopped for designer clothes, he'd never been into the hipster and emo look, which to him screamed A&F, Hollister, and the like.

"Logan, your dad is waiting. Just find something."

Logan grabbed the first two things that came to hand and scrambled into it, energized by Lilly's warning. He was in an alternate reality, that much was clear, but some things never changed like his dad's temper, so he ignored his body's insistence on lying down and hobbled out the door and down the stairs to the large breakfast nook.

As he walked through the large archway, he stopped stock-still as he absorbed the sight of Aaron nuzzling the neck of none other than Kendall Casablancas (_technically Kendall Echolls now_); he didn't know how long he stood there before his dad lifted his head and waved him in.

Logan shook his head as he backpedaled, not wanting to sit down with the woman he knew intimately, at least not until he got real answers from Lilly.

"Uh, I can't. I have plans."

"Son, you haven't said hello to your step-mother."

Kendall turned, her youngish face lightly pressed with makeup, and eyes snapping with sly humor as she devoured his body with a searing caress.

"Hello...step-son. Won't you give me a kiss good morning?"

The pause was infinitesimal, but Logan well-versed in this woman's tactics, knew it for what it was: a secret signal underscored by the quick flick of her tongue across her lips. He was still sleeping with this snake, though apparently beneath his father's nose. Morbid humor creased his mouth into a smile as he thought about the tables being turned as it was _him_ committing the sin this time instead of Aaron. At least he hoped so as he couldn't take another Lilly-centric lie.

Mindful of his father's watching eyes, Logan came in and dutifully placed a kiss on her cheek, even as he glanced down at her nails and wondered if she still used them on his skin like she used to when they were having their affair...before.

"Sorry I can't stay, I need to go..."

Aaron heaved a long-suffering sigh, but nodded. There was no promise of retribution in his face or eyes, so Logan was thankful for whatever protection Kendall gave to him, regardless of his liaison with her. How she ended up here with Aaron instead of Dick Casablancas Senior, or even more importantly, how his father was still alive instead of buried, was a question he needed to ask Lilly. It had finally occurred to him that Aaron hadn't said a word about his ex, even though she'd been standing next to him the entire course of their conversation in his room, so the only obvious conclusion was she was a ghost of some sort.

Near the door was a bowl filled with keys and he chose a random one, not wanting to ask which car belonged to him as it would draw inevitable questions, and walked outside to the driveway. His usual yellow Xterra wasn't there, but a black Range Rover chirped when he hit the button, and he slid into the driver's seat with a heart-felt sigh. Even though he was in the Twilight Zone, some things never changed and this was one of them; it was the same model he'd bought during the first weeks of Hearst and the one Veronica had bugged.

_Veronica! _ He bolted upright and put the key into his ignition as he immediately wondered what had become of her. Logan backed out of the drive and onto the street, flicking his signal as he started towards her apartment complex.

"She's not there," Lilly commented quietly from her perch in the passenger seat.

Logan started, so intent on figuring out what to say to her, hadn't noticed when Lilly joined him.

"What do you mean, she's not there? She's not living in the dorms at Hearst, so where else would she go?"

It hadn't escaped his notice the stores and houses he passed were decked out for the holiday season, so it was a few days before New Years or thereabouts. He assumed it was the same time, give or take a few hours, as when he went to sleep in Colorado.

"Logan...think about it. You're here in the house that shouldn't exist, talking with a father who should be dead, and quite obviously not in Aspen any more. Why would Veronica be in the same place too?"

He nodded slowly as it made sense. As much sense as waking up in Neptune with people who should be dead, that is. "Where is she then?"

Lilly leaned over and flicked a finger at the side of his head while clucking her tongue. "Geesh, Logan. You've been given a second chance at your life and all you can think of is Veronica. I'm a little jealous, lovah, as you've never been this obsessed over me."

Turning into a gas station – the light had just turned on – Logan flicked an irritated glance at her.

"Gee, Lilly, I was _never _obsessed over you; crying, calling you at all hours, drunkenly begging you for one more chance."

She had the grace to look ashamed and stared back at him with unblinking regard.

"I do regret how we ended things and how I was never a proper girlfriend to you."

He softened at the genuine remorse he heard in her voice and saw on her face; she'd often been careless and callous with his feelings, but there'd been good times between them. It was always easier to remember the bad because then he could hide the pain of her death beneath anger; it was partly why he'd been so harsh with Veronica. He couldn't stand to see her heartsick over her best friend because it made Lilly's absence that much crueler, so he'd sought to punish her for making him remembering all the good things when he needed remoteness; he needed to replace the reason for her crying. He'd painted over it with the sick pleasure of seeing little Ronnie crack beneath the strain of betrayal and madness, blue eyes swimming with the tears he himself couldn't shed.

It worked until it didn't any more; her hair and skirt hems became shorter, eyes cold and dead like his heart, and _that_ had been more painful than anything, when his taunts were returned with as much if not more venom from her. He'd wanted to break her, tear her strings from the now dead hands of her puppeteer, but in the process, he hadn't realized he was betraying more than just their friendship. He'd been betraying the secret heart of himself, the place where a small dream of being with Ronnie had been kept, ever since the first day he ever saw her at twelve with long blond braids, tall knee socks, and a green soccer uniform as she ran across the field. It was before the Kanes came between them, before life fucked them both over, and he could just marvel at a skinny tomboy with a goofy smile who saw him for _him_ not his parents' stardom or wealth.

Lilly tentatively reached out, her hand brushing his, and it startled him enough to break him from his memories. The sudden urge to hunt Veronica down and explain something, anything, to her was a visceral need, and he slid away from his ghostly ex and out to the pump, so he could gas up in his search for her.

The feel of arms sliding around his waist startled him momentarily from him paying for gas and he looked over his shoulders into the eyes of Carrie Bishop, her smile wide and glorious.

"There you are, honey! You weren't answering my calls, so I wondered where you could be. I was on my way to your house but happened to see you here."

Logan nodded absently, completely astounded by the level of intimate contact between them as she walked around to kiss him briefly, but deeply, on his lips. _What the fuck? _

"Oh, didn't I tell you Logan? You've been dating Carrie Bishop for the last year and a half."

Logan lifted his head and glared at Lilly, not even bothering to wonder how she's gotten from his car to the register. Ghosts didn't have to obey the laws of physics, obviously. "No, no you didn't."

"Whoops, my bad." Her pink lips turned up into a mischievous smile.

"Huh?" Carrie looked up at him in confusion. "No I didn't what?"

He shook his head at Lilly's bubbling laughter, but managed to respond to his _girlfriend_. "Uh nothing. I'm still a little hungover from last night..." he let his words trail off, hoping she'd fill in the blanks.

If Lilly was right, and this reality was real and his _new life_, he needed help navigating it. He didn't trust his ex as she had already neglected to mention something as important as him dating Carrie Bishop, an 09er he'd been friendly with in high school but hadn't thought much of beyond her basic female form.

"Oh, Logie -' _Logie? "y_ou drank so much, I thought you would have alcohol poisoning, but Cass said you usually drank even more at frat parties, so this wasn't anything to worry about." She pouted up at him, her lower lip quivering. "You were so out of it, you couldn't get it up."

Logan's face burned and he was glad she'd whispered the last part because no man wanted it bruited about he was impotent, even if it was the fault of alcohol. Then the name she mentioned registered in his embarrassed brain. "Cass?"

"Yes, you know, Cassidy Casablancas. Your best friend's little brother." Carried raised up on tip-toes and pressed her inner wrist against his forehead. "You don't have a fever, but you sure seem out of it."

"Beaver's not dead?"

"Why would he be dead?"

_Because he tried to kill Veronica and when I stopped him, he took a stroll off Neptune Grande's roof. _Happiness filled him as he realized in this reality his friend wasn't a murderer and hadn't committed suicide. Maybe there were upsides to this life after all.

"I had this dream he was."

"Oh. Are you sure you're okay, Logan?"

"Peachy." He swooped down and kissed her, not the kiss of a boyfriend for the girl he loves, but of a friend who's appreciative of good news. "Now, I've gotta go. I'll call you later."

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"I've gotta find Veronica," he threw over his shoulder as he left the convenience store, heading towards his vehicle.

Carrie just looked at the retreating back of her boyfriend with a confused expression he never saw. Nor did hear her faint words, "Who's Veronica?"

* * *

><p><em>I can't take another day without you (without you)<em>

_'cause baby I could never make it on my own_

_I've been waiting so long just to hold you_

_And to be back in your arms where I belong_

* * *

><p>Lilly saw the buoyant hitch to Logan's step and smiled, even as sorrow swelled in her. He wasn't half-way through his journey yet, and she had to distract him so he could get the whole picture before she broke the news to him. He needed to be turned from his mission to find Veronica, but she knew it wouldn't be easy since once he got an idea into his head, he was like a bloodhound on a scent trail; nothing deterred him from reaching his goal.<p>

"So where to now? More investigating this new Neptune?"

"You said Veronica doesn't live at the Sunset Apartments, so tell me where she does."

"Tsk, tsk. You find out your friend is alive and you have a girlfriend in Carrie Bishop, yet all you can think of is Veronica."

Logan turned a suspicious eye towards Lilly, wondering why this was the second time she deflected his questions about Veronica's whereabouts.

"Lilly..." he drew out the syllables of her name in warning. She flushed (_ghosts could do that?)_ and turned away from his questioning eyes.

"Logan, this is an alternate universe than the one you went to sleep in last night. Things aren't the same here."

"Like what?"

"Like the fact you never dated Veronica Mars."

"What? Why not?"

Logan felt his heart constrict in his chest at the thought. Sure, he was angry with her right now, but that didn't mean eventually they wouldn't reconcile and get back together. It was what they _did._

Lilly sighed again, this time the sound was heavy instead of frustrated. "Logan, just drive downtown and look around. I mean, really look, and maybe things will start to become obvious to you."

He could feel a truth just out of reach, like a name on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't like the chill gathering in his chest, so he jammed his key into the ignition and flicked his signal before turning out into traffic. The main drag wasn't far and he drove the same route he'd driven for as long as he'd had a car,so he was shocked when the usual way was blocked by a large warehouse, and he was redirected.

"What the hell. That warehouse isn't supposed to be there."

"True, but a lot of things aren't supposed to be, so why should this be any different?"

Logan couldn't refute her statement, so he glanced in the rear-view mirror and was surprised to see the name above the warehouse was "Navarro."

"So Weevil was able to crawl out of the barrio and make a name, quite literally, for himself."

"Oh, if it were that easy," Lilly muttered, too low for Logan's hearing.

Eventually he was able to onto Main Street which led directly through the heart of Neptune, though he didn't recognize many of the buildings as instead of trendy boutiques, eateries, and antique stores, they were replaced with strip clubs, pawn shops, and Kwik-E Marts.

"What the hell?"

It was by now his favorite refrain of the day since changes were coming at him so fast he could barely keep his head straight. Lilly would've felt bad but he'd really brought this on himself, so she didn't bother answering.

"Where the fuck is Luigi's and the Sac-n-Pac?"

Logan felt more than saw Lilly shrug her shoulders. "Luigi's never existed and the Sac-N-Pac burned down years ago."

"So where do people go to get their groceries?"

"The Super Walmart over on Grove Street."

"Walmart? Neptune never had a Walmart."

"They do now. It's where most people go to shop for everything."

He shuddered at the symbol of crass commercialism, but continued forward, turning down a somewhat familiar street. Surprise lanced through him when he didn't see the usual "Mars Investigations" sign, but instead a shamrock and the name "Fitzpatrick" written through the green leaf in bright gold letters.

"Where's Sheriff...er...Mr. Mars' office?"

"He's not a PI here, Logan."

Logan nodded as comprehension went through him. Of course. In this reality he must be Sheriff again.

"I don't really know this Neptune. Is anything the same?"

"Well, Camelot is still here. There's always a need for seedy motels for illicit affairs. Oh, Vinnie Van Low still exists as a pervy PI who will sell his soul to the highest bidder."

"Cliff McCormack?"

"Uh no. He was disbarred and convicted of soliciting a prostitute."

Logan thought about it for a moment. "Wait, Veronica once helped Cliff...I vaguely remember something about her figuring out the girl was color-blind or something." It was from a phone call he'd overheard when he was sitting across the table from the loser lawyer during one of his many arrests (_no convictions, thank you very much)._

Lilly shrugged. "Guess not now."

He frowned for a moment because he knew how important Cliff was to the Mars Family; he and the Sheriff went far back and Veronica had grown up learning how to circumvent the law at his knee. He couldn't imagine _any_ reality where they weren't connected. He turned to Lilly to ask her more questions, but she distracted him by excitedly pointing out a tall blonde disappearing into a fast-food restaurant a few feet away from them.

"There goes Dick."

Logan's face broke out into a smile at the thought of seeing his best friend. Surely he wouldn't be too different now. He quickly parked the car and walked into the Jack in the Box, scouting the small area until he saw Dick standing near the register.

"Yo, Dick."

The blond surfer turned at his name and waved half-heartedly in his direction. "Yo. I thought you were going outta town, dude."

Logan stopped next to him. "Uh yeah, I changed my mind. Too hung over."

"I don't doubt it." The response was short and bitter, the blue eyes angry.

"Dude, are you pissed at me?"

"What do you think? You fucked my girlfriend and didn't even bother to close the door. I mean, I know you ain't getting any from Carrie, but fuck. Madison? Really?"

Logan reeled from the accusation, stunned he'd done the same thing here as in Aspen, even if then she was Dick's ex. You don't sleep with your buddy's girl, ex or otherwise; it just wasn't cool. He looked down and tugged at his nonexistent sleeves, a sure sign he was distressed. "Dude, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. If it makes you feel any better, she wasn't very good."

"I should hit you for that, but it's true."

He looked up at Dick's face and saw the other guy was more relaxed. "We cool?"

The aroma of fried food and cheese wafted towards them and Dick grinned. "If you buy me breakfast, then we cool."

Logan grinned back and brought out his wallet, unsurprised by the Black Amex tucked away. His wealth, it appeared, was intact here as well.

They settled into a booth and he watched as Dick gulped down the food, trying to think of a way to ease into conversation without alerting the other to his lack of knowledge.

"So, Carrie, huh?"

Dick rolled his eyes even as he stuffed another fry into his mouth. "Dude, I've told you I don't know why you're with that frigid bitch. She didn't put out in high school, so why would that change now? I mean, I know she gives killer blowjobs, but are you really going to marry her just to get into her panties?"

"Marriage? Fuck that noise."

"I get why you have girls on the side, but seriously, just break up with her. I mean, you fuck anything that moves, so what's the point of being with her?"

Lilly sat next to Dick and watched him with fascinated disgust as he plowed through his food and talked at the same time.

"Our Neanderthal friend is right, Logan. You really don't need to be with a girl like that."

"I don't even know _why_ I'm with her as it is."

"Dude, that's what _I'm _saying_."_

Logan blinked, forgetting for a moment that only he could see Lilly. Fortunately Dick wasn't quick on the uptake in any reality and hadn't realized he wasn't talking to him.

"But guess what. Ghostworld finally dumped my brother."

"Ghost...oh Mac."

"Mac?"

Dick cocked his head, immediately bringing to mind the cocker spaniel Logan once had as a kid before his dad had given it away saying it was too messy. Stifling his laughter at the image it provoked, he responded. "Yeah, you know, Cindy Mackenzie."

"Yeah, that's her, but why call her Mac?"

Logan ran a hand through his hair and fought a groan. It was hard navigating this world when there were similarities to his old one, but different enough to trip him up.

"Oh, I just thought it up."

"Huh. Mac."

"So you were saying about...Ghostworld."

"Yeah, she dumped him this morning. Ranted and raved about how he was a weird sex fiend and she wasn't putting up with it any more. Also said something about how if he came near her brother again, she'd call the cops."

Logan felt sickness well inside of him as he realized the implications that Dick obviously missed. Beaver had been molested as a kid by Woody Goodman, and sexually abused kids had a higher chance of continuing the cycle of abuse especially if they were put into situations that mimicked their own. He'd never met Mac's younger brother Ryan, but he remembered Veronica talking about him and how he was always annoying his older sister.

"But I thought he was okay..."

Lilly grimaced but kept looking at him. "No, he just never committed suicide. It doesn't mean he isn't the same sadistic sociopath he was before."

"He took it like a champ. Never said a word to her after she walked away. Good riddance, I say. I mean, I never got why he was with her anyway."

_To hide the fact he wasn't normal and he was desperate to be normal; even to the point of raping Veronica so you'd think he was a man._

Logan couldn't say that to Dick, but felt tears pressing against the backs of his eyes. There was something seriously wrong with this town if Beaver was allowed to walk around and apparently start his own sick games with a young boy.

"Uh, I've got to go. I'll talk to you later?"

"Sure, dude."

Logan raced to his Rover and slid in, suddenly impatient to be somewhere. Anywhere. He pulled out into traffic and drove towards the outer part of Neptune, hardly aware of the degeneration of the neighborhoods he passed. He pulled into Mac's driveway twenty minutes later and sat there staring at the house while the engine ticked as it cooled.

"What are you doing here, Logan?"

"I don't know...I just felt...like I had to apologize."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, obviously things here are different because of me and for whatever reason Veronica never proved he killed..." his voice trailed off as he turned to her in panic. "The school bus crash didn't happen did it"

Her smile was so gentle, he almost missed her words. "Yes, it happened, and no it was never proven to be done by Cassidy. They still think it was the bus driver who did it out of depression."

"Why didn't Veronica prove it?"

Lilly's response was interrupted by a rapping on his window. He startled and looked into Mac's brown eyes, her brow furrowed as she obviously wondered who he was talking to. Since he didn't have his cell phone with him, he couldn't even pretend he was talking on it. He rolled down the window and stared at her for a moment.

"Hey."

"What the hell, Echolls? Why are you here? Are you here to gloat?"

"Gloat...huh...no. I, uh, just heard about Beaver and the breakup."

She clutched her shirt as she lowered her eyes. "I didn't tell him."

"Tell him...?"

"Oh please, you're going to play dumb? I didn't tell him about us having sex."

Logan was glad she wasn't looking at him because he wouldn't be able to hide his surprise. He had fucked another of his friends' girlfriends?

"Uh, thanks?"

"I didn't do it for you! It just wasn't important enough to mention."

He could tell by the smirk she was insulting him, but since he had no memory of ever being with her (_nor any desire really since she wasn't his type – not blond_), he ignored the dig at his prowess.

"I came over when I heard about your accusations about Beaver and Ryan."

Instantly her pale face flushed with rage and she leaned towards him, her voice menacing. "You tell that little shit, I don't care how much money he has or you do, I will report him the instant he tries to touch my brother again. I won't go to the Sheriff's Office this time, but LA cops or San Diego, whatever it takes."

Logan put his hand to her face, more from comfort, so he was disconcerted when she instantly reared away, even taking a step back from the SUV. If he didn't know better, he'd think fear crossed her face, but since he wasn't used to inspiring fear in women, he didn't recognize it.

"I was here to say I believe you."

"Fuck you, Logan. You didn't believe me when I told you last week, but suddenly you have a change of heart? What's your game here? Think if you tell me what I want to hear, I'll let you in my panties again? Never again, Echolls. Never again!"

Her half-hysterical voice rose before she turned and fled, leaving a shell-shocked Logan behind.

"I don't...what just..."

"You're different here too."

"Yeah, I got that. But me and Mac? How? Why?"

Lilly chewed on her thumbnail for a moment, a tic he remembered she used to do whenever she debated telling a heavy truth to someone. Most people thought she was outspoken and brash, but with those she cared about, she had been careful with home truths, always trying to find a way to break it to them gently, if at all. He knew this was the same reason why she never told Veronica she thought they were related, despite Veronica's real grief and confusion over why Duncan ended things so abruptly.

"In this reality, Logan, you're a product of your father's raising. Your mom died when you were twelve and so didn't have a gentling effect on you. You're used to using girls and then throwing them aside the minute you're done. You're a hardcore player with no boundaries. You don't care who the girl belongs to once you set your sights on them."

Lilly didn't add his sexual education had come young, at the hands of his lecherous step-mother who hadn't care about his age or the law, but her own need to twist her step-son to her demands so she would be able to get what she needed out of her marriage to the older Echolls. He'd been confused and lonely, thinking Kendall was expressing love, but it was a fucked up version, especially since she knew Aaron abused him behind closed doors and she didn't care, except how it interfered with her hold on Logan. The abuse at the hands of those he should've been able to trust had screwed with him and without anyone to counter the emotional and psychological scarring, he'd been left adrift, expressing his rage and hatred of women in his cold calculated pursuit of them.

Even him dating Carrie Bishop was part of the same game, and he held onto her because her father was Dean of Hearst College and had considerable weight with the Board Members, so when it came time for college, he'd been a shoo-in to the prestigious private school despite his less than stellar academic record and SAT scores.

"How could she think I wouldn't believe her."

"This version of you, Logan, doesn't know what Beaver is like because Veronica never exposed the truth. The truth died when the bus hurtled over the side of the PCH."

Something clicked in his head. "If Keith is still Sheriff, why didn't he believe Mac when she went to him?"

"Keith Mars isn't Sheriff."

"Who is?"

Lilly flicked her hand in the air as if wiping away something. "No one you know. Well, _you_ don't know, but the you of this time does."

Logan pounded on the steering wheel in frustration. "You said I would have a new shot at life, but this one seems even worse than the last."

"I never said it was a good one, just another life, Logan."

"But why me? Why now?"

Lilly tilted her head in contemplation, her blond hair swishing forward on her shoulder. "I'm not privvy to that information, except you're supposed to learn something from this."

For the first time, Logan began to wonder exactly what Lilly's mission was here. He'd been operating on the assumption she was a ghost leading him through life, but maybe he was really in hell? So far, he'd seen nothing to indicate otherwise, as everything he'd taken for granted in his Veronica-filled life, was missing here. And it wasn't a far stretch to imagine Lilly going to hell instead of heaven.

"I'm really just having a fucked up dream and you're a figment of my imagination."

"That could be true, but I'm really not. This is my penance, you know, for being a horrible person in life. I'm supposed to shepherd you through this new reality and show you exactly what you're supposed to see."

"See what? What am I supposed to understand?"

He recognized the stubborn look on her face and realized he wouldn't get any more answers out of her.

"So where else am I supposed to go."

Lilly heaved a discreet sigh of relief because she knew she'd been treading too closely to the line between what she could and couldn't reveal.

"Let's go back to school!"

* * *

><p><em>I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say<em>

_but everything I've ever known gets swept away_

_inside of your love_

* * *

><p>Logan pulled into the student parking lot, amazed at how much the school looked like a prison, more so than his own fond memories portrayed them.<p>

"Was it always two stories with watch towers?"

Lilly's light laughter floated in the space between them. "No, this is a recent addition. Principal Moorehead felt it was a better use of the taxpayer money, plus it kept the riff-raff from causing too much problems. The old school was half-burned and this is the remodeled version."

"Moorehead? But he was ousted when Veronica discovered he'd fathered Trina and tried to hide the fact he'd knocked up a student."

"Er, yes, but Van Clemmons never put her onto the case to begin with because she never was put into detention and therefore never went through the old records."

She watched his face as he digested the information, waiting with bated breath for him to ask about Veronica again.

"This is the second thing that burned down. Did it burn at the same time as the Sac-N-Pac?"

"Ding, ding, ding. Tell the nice gentleman what he's won: two tickets to Sea World"

Logan shook his head at her tomfoolery. "Was it the PCHers because they were pissed with Wallace for narking?"

Lilly looked at her hands for a moment. "Yes and no. Wallace and his mom never came to Neptune, so no it wasn't him who narked, but yes both fires were the result of the PCHers' warning to certain people. It was never proven of course, but everyone knew who'd done it."

It struck him as strange for Wallace not to be a Neptunian. He hadn't really known him until Senior year when they grouped up to make sure Veronica would pull ahead in the race for the Kane Scholarship. Then later, when he was dating Veronica at Hearst, he'd gotten even more time with her best friend and they'd come to a grudging respect for each other's place in her life.

"Tell me at least, you and Ronnie are, or were, best friends at least."

Lilly grimaced at the thought of this version of her. "No, we weren't. In fact, I only went to Neptune High for two years before I was killed."

"Oh god, Lilly." Logan reached across the divide and grabbed her hands. "How is my dad not in jail?"

"He didn't kill me. I was killed by a drunk driver."

"Oh. Did they catch the bastard?"

"No, but it was the last straw for Celeste, and she moved away."

"Where are you buried?"

"The Neptune Green Acres like before." What she didn't add were the number of classmates who'd joined her there, but she figured he'd learn soon enough. She was also glad he hadn't caught on her intentional mention of only one parent, but sooner or later he would.

"Did we date?"

"No. We didn't run in the same circles."

"You the Princess of Neptune High?"

Lilly shrugged, reluctant to disclose the mortifying details of _her_ existence in this alternate reality. She had thought death would cure her of her snobbishness, but apparently not since she was horrified by the 02er lifestyle her alter ego experienced.

"Lets just say, we never had any reason to interact."

Logan snorted. "As if I could ever ignore the presence of the ultra Fabulous Lilly Kane."

It might've been true of _his_ Lilly, but this world had more than a few nasty surprises. In this reality, Lilly Kane hadn't been the brand-dropping, Prada carrying, black Amex Princess of Wealth he would recognize, nor did she know a cute bundle of energy affectionately nick-named "Ronnie." Nor did he, for that matter. She had no intentions of telling him that...at least not yet.

"So if we didn't date, who was my girlfriend?"

"Everyone you dated before except for me." _And Veronica,_ she silently added.

"Caitlin?"

"Oh yeah, that bitch was definitely one of your conquests. And yes, she did cheat on you with Chardo, he did steal pre-approved credit card applications from your trash because his grandma was your housekeeper and Weevil did go to prison for his cousin."

"Why didn't Veronica clear him like last time? He piss in her Cheerios one too many times?"

Lilly stared at him in silent consternation because she knew he was unconsciously suppressing the voice of reason which had to be screaming at him right now. There were too many instances of Veronica's interventions that were absent here for someone of his intelligence to just disregard.

"Yeah, something like that."

They both stared out through the windshield at the ugly school lost in thought. Lilly wondering when she should break the news and Logan wishing he understood why life was so different from before. He had often wondered what an alternate reality would be like, but so far there wasn't anything enjoyable about it; if anything, it seemed worse. It still confounded him as to why he was being given the chance to live a different life since it wasn't as if he lived his previous one with much distinction, unless you counted organized bum fights, promiscuity, and drunkenness as indications of a contributing member of society.

He wanted to ask Lilly, but so far she'd shut down any serious discussion of the whys and wherefores of his new life and he was hesitant to wonder why she was his guide. The idea of hell still danced in the back of his thoughts, though it was buried beneath the weight of all of his unasked questions about Veronica.

"Is there anyone I know who's turned out alright?"

"Casey did okay."

"Yeah? What happened to him?"

"Well, he was never rescued from the hippy commune so his parents were never able to reprogram him back, and all of his grandmother's wealth went towards the group. He's got two wives and three kids now."

"This is a good thing?"

"He seems happy."

Logan wracked his brain as he tried to come up with more people to talk about. Lilly just watched him in pained amusement, wondering how long he would dance around the central question looming in his mind. She could feel the time for revelations was closing in, but had to wait on Logan to bring her to the moment.

"What about Sean? Veronica ever out his dad as the butler?"

"No, because Eli was never in the card game, so Veronica never had any reason to help you guys find out where the five thousand dollars disappeared to."

"Oh, right. Prison."

Logan would never have believed he'd feel some remorse over Weevil's situation, and would've scoffed at anyone telling he might, but it seemed strange for the PCHer to not be apart of his world either. Veronica had been a magnet for odd ducks and weirdos, but he'd often marvel at her ability to draw people close to her, while simultaneously keeping them locked out. All of them had been content to just bask in her presence, seemingly unmindful of the crucial distance she kept herself from them. He still remembered her shock at how many people had actually cheered her graduation from Neptune; she'd been instrumental in so many people's lives, and only now he was beginning to understand exactly how important she'd been to his, in so many ways.

"Lilly, where's Veronica?"

He saw her draw a breath – which struck him as strange since she wasn't living, therefore didn't need to breathe – and then turn to him with a sorrowful smile. "It's time, Logan. Go to Green Acres."

* * *

><p><em>And everything I have in this world<em>

_and all that I'll ever be_

_It could all fall down around me_

_just as long as I have you right here by me_

* * *

><p>Logan parked in the closest spot to the gates leading towards the graves. He swallowed hard because he knew of only one reason why she'd direct him here, especially after avoiding his questions about Veronica. It was becoming clear she didn't exist here because a lot of the wrongs she'd righted were completely undone to the point of him unable to recognize Neptune or its citizens.<p>

"Follow me."

He noticed for the first time as he walked behind Lilly that she didn't quite touch the ground, her feet hovering a mere inch above it, and he shook his head at the bizarreness of his day.

As they passed rows of gravestones, he began mumbling the Lord's Prayer, something his mother had taught him before religion was stricken from their house by his vengeful father, who didn't appreciate a belief in a power higher than his own earthly authority. A sickening dread coalesced in the pit of his stomach as he recalled all the number of times today Lilly had avoided or adroitly changed the subject away from Veronica. There was only one reason for them to come here and it wasn't to feed the ducks.

Lilly stopped before a angel carving protectively shielding a tombstone and quietly said, "We're here."

Logan closed his eyes and felt his stomach revolt, trying to expel the noxious dread come true. Lilly's ghostly hand gently caressed his cheek, and he suddenly felt a little better. He dropped to his knees on the flower-laden grass and pressed his lips to the lettering on the tablet, his tears staining the stone. He listened to the low cooing of a bird in a nearby tree and wanted to throw a stone at it for daring to mock his pain.

"How'd she die?"

"After the results of the Purity Test were posted, Meg supposedly scored a twenty-eight, but there was no one to prove the test was doctored, so Cole never found out the truth until it was too late."

"Meg? Cole?"

Lilly was propped up against the marker when he looked up. "Look at the name."

Logan turned reluctantly to the face and noticed right away it had Meg inscribed on it, _not_ Veronica.

"Why would you let me think it was Veronica's grave?"

"I need to explain this to you, before I can tell you about her."

He growled at her explanation, but waved an impatient hand for her to continue her story.

"Cole kept getting mocked by his friends for not having sex with her when she was such a slut and it pissed him off, so one day he followed her home and caught her before she got into the house."

Lilly's matter-of-fact tone turned grim and Logan wasn't sure he wanted the rest of the story.

"He pulled her into his car and raped her, not realizing she really _was_ a virgin until he finished and saw the blood. Because he couldn't take it back, he threatened he'd do the same to her sisters if she ever told on him. Meg believed him and didn't say a word, but you know how rape can destroy a girl."

Tears dripped down Logan's face because he dealt with the aftereffects of it every day with Veronica, and while he hadn't been close to Meg, he had liked the pretty newscaster enough to loathe what had happened to her.

"How did she die?"

"Cole continued to terrorize her, stalking her wherever she went, until she went half-mad. She committed suicide, despite her very religious family's belief it would condemn her soul to hell. In the note she left behind, it said she would rather face an eternity with the devil, than be subjected to another moment on earth with her rapist."

"Did they arrest Cole?"

"Are you kidding? Her family never pressed charges or even brought it up because her death was shameful to them; more so than the actions of what precipitated it."

"Why didn't Veronica help Meg? At that point, neither of them were dating Duncan and Veronica thought of Meg as a good friend."

Silence.

Logan raised his wet eyes to Lilly and asked her again, this time the correct question. "Where is Veronica Mars?"

* * *

><p><em>As the days roll on I see<em>

_time is standing still for me_

_when you're not here_

* * *

><p>"She never existed."<p>

"What the fuck do you mean? I slept with her, I've smelled her skin, I've felt her warmth."

"No, that was in the other place. Here, she never existed."

"But...how..."

Lilly leaned against Meg's tombstone, her fingers following the words carved into the marble. It was unfair in any reality how short Meg's life was, but Fate was Fate, and hers was to apparently die young.

"You wished she was never born, remember?"

Logan scoffed openly, ripping grass from the ground near his seat and throwing it at her. "I might've thought that, but it was a passing thought. I was just pissed."

Lilly nodded thoughtfully. "Sometimes, you need to be careful what you wish."

"What, did a genie hear me and decide to grant my wish?"

"Not quite a genie." She looked up at the sky meaningfully.

"Oh please, you want me to believe there's an omniscient God who gives a fuck about me and my life."

Lilly shrugged but didn't respond, knowing there would be no convincing Logan.

"You knew Lianne had an affair with my dad, right?"

"Yeah and for a while Veronica didn't know who her real dad was until she took a DNA test."

"What you didn't know because 'Ronica didn't know was that Lianne was going to leave Keith right before she found out she was pregnant. At the time, she went to Dad and told him, but Celeste was pregnant with Duncan by then, and he couldn't leave her to run off with his mistress. So, even though Lianne didn't know who fathered her baby, she stayed with Keith because she was too scared to do it alone."

Logan stared at her with his mouth agape and Lilly had to swallow her laughter at his dumbfounded expression, despite the real pain in her heart.

"But because Lianne never got pregnant with Veronica, she left Keith and somehow convinced my dad to run away with her. Celeste, so distraught by the news of her husband's desertion, fell down a flight of stairs, and miscarried Duncan. So, Veronica nor my brother never existed in this world."

"So because Mr. Kane left, he never discovered steaming video."

"Oh, no, Kane Enterprises exists, just not in Neptune. They moved to San Diego and set up shop there. Because it isn't based here, when he went public with his company, Neptune employees never got the chance to cash in their stocks, so the economy here was never boosted through the trickle-down effect. And since my parents were divorced before he made it big, he wasn't even forced to share the wealth."

She didn't bother explaining the rage at her father's indifference to her existence since she was, once again, her mother's child, but since she hadn't actually experienced the deprived childhood, it was certainly a moot point.

"Do you know the most noteworthy families here?"

Logan nodded, and immediately ticked off "Kanes, Echolls, and the Casablancas."

Lilly agreed, but then held up a fourth finger. "You forgot the Marses."

"What?"

She stood up and twirled around the grave of their friend, a graceful if slightly ironic figure. "The Kanes because of Daddy's company, your family because of your dad's stardom, Dick's because of his dad's properties and holdings, and the Marses because of their contribution to keeping crime down."

"Oh, c'mon, they weren't _that_ significant."

Lilly shook her head even as she stared at him, her grave (_no pun intended) _blue eyes reminding him of the differences in this town he knew and the town that was today.

"When Lianne left Keith, he had no need to stay here. He wasn't originally from here and only moved to Neptune because his wife had convinced him, and without a wife or daughter, he had no real ties to the community. Did you know he originally became Sheriff because the former one died of a heart attack? He was the best candidate so they didn't even bother holding an election, investing him with the office right on the spot. Because Keith had already left town by the time the heart attack happened in this reality, they only had the remaining incompetent deputies to pick from so they held an election instead. As a result, the Sheriff's Office became a puppet of the rich."

"It was the same when Lamb was in charge."

"True, but even he couldn't unravel fourteen years of dedicated service Keith had already logged. Lamb had an easy time because Keith had already laid the foundation and kept it going with his PI work. Lamb was as much Keith and Veronica's puppet as he was the 09ers."

Logan startled. "Veronica's?"

"C'mon, do you seriously think Lamb was able to keep such a stellar record because of his own intelligence? The man had a GED, Logan! Veronica often manipulated the deputies or even the good Sheriff himself into investigating, or tipping them off so they could make arrests."

It had never occurred to Logan what good Veronica's PI work had done because he'd never been able to see beyond the danger it put her in. Of course, not _all_ of her cases would be life-threatening, but by the time they'd been in college, she'd had something of a death wish, or at least become an adrenaline junkie, because she'd been unable to reconcile all parts of her life into a cohesive whole. He'd only been able to see the damage after the fact, instead of being apart of it from the beginning. Maybe if she'd let him in, he could've seen the boring parts, instead of just the bad ones.

"So if that were true, why were there biker gangs and Fitzpatricks in that reality and this one?"

He felt triumphant at pointing out a flaw in Lilly's reasoning.

"Oh, they were there because crime is never completely nonexistent, especially when you have a society made up of haves and havenots, but their stranglehold on Neptune was lessened because Keith had managed to gain their respect and fear to the point they had to hide their criminal activity. When Keith was Sheriff for about five years, he managed to save Liam's father Shamus Fitzpatrick's life, and he never forgot the debt he owed, so when he died, he left it in his will that no one could go against Keith Mars as long as he was Sheriff. When Keith lost his office, it was so ingrained in the Fitzpatricks not to mess with him, they never did."

"What about Veronica?"

"Oh, Liam would've messed her up a bit and scared the bejeezus out of her, but wouldn't have hurt her too much."

"And tattooing her face was an empty threat?"

"As empty as the gun you held on him. He was sadistic, but been raised to respect the power Keith Mars wielded, so he couldn't go against that."

"And the PCHers?"

She shrugged. "In the other reality, they were mostly into petty thievery and stolen cars, their money made through chop-shops. The only reason they got into bed with the Fitzpatricks was because of Thumper and Felix. In this one, they're in direct competition because Weevil isn't their leader. He was very anti-drugs because he knew the pitfalls, as his father and one uncle both did time in the slammer after being arrested by Keith, so he was able to keep the gang from it. Without him as leader nor Veronica proving their activities, they've been left to run rampant."

Logan was visibly stunned by the impact the Marses had on life in Neptune. She supposed he'd never really thought about it since the invisible protection from their work had been in place his entire life here. They were as vital to the well-being of the town as the Kane company was to the economy. Without Veronica's birth, none of it was possible. It still triggered awe in her whenever she thought about it, so she could understand the incredulity Logan experienced.

"So that's why Wallace never lived in Neptune."

"Huh?"

"Earlier, when we were at the school, I wondered why Wallace never moved here. His mom, Alice, got a job working for your dad's company and without it being here, there's no reason to move to Neptune."

"Yeah, no point really to relocating to Neptune."

"What about my dad? And Kendall? How the fuck did those two meet?"

"Well, it's actually not that complicated. In both realities she met your dad when he lived in L.A; this time, however, when your mom died, she wasn't attached to Big Dick by then, so it was a natural progression for the two of them to marry."

"Natural?"

Lilly nodded. "They were having an affair in your time too. In fact, she was there the night Aaron was shot, but Keith was able to quickly prove she had nothing to do with it."

"What? How did I not know that?"

"Veronica knew, but she kept silent about the affair because it was too reminiscent of me and Aaron, and she didn't want you hurt over it."

"How...what...why?"

"Kendall, or Priscella Banks, was actually the girlfriend of Cormac Fitzpatrick and he was the mastermind who engineered her marriage to Big Dick and her arrangement with Aaron. She was supposed to frame Duncan for my murder, but it didn't work out of course. Here, she cut out the middle man all together and just married Aaron, and has been embezzling from him for years. It won't be long before she leaves him, but until then, she has you to console her for his inability to fuck anyone over the age of twenty-five."

"So all of this happened, this hell-hole, is because I wished Veronica was never born?"

Lilly's blond hair swayed with her nod, and he was momentarily distracted by how the sun shone through the glowing strands. She was suddenly looking both fuzzier and brighter than before.

"How do I make it all come back? Do I click both heels and say "there's no place like home?"

"Don't be a smart-ass, Logan. Isn't this what you wanted? A reality-free of Veronica induced pain?"

"But I still remember her, my life with her, so how is this fair?"

"Hey, I don't write the scenes, big boy. You didn't specify how you wanted life to be, other than one without her in it. You've gotten it."

It wasn't his imagination, Lilly was no longer as solid (_or as solid as a ghost could be)_, but becoming more and more translucent, as if whatever power had kept her here was calling her back.

"Logan, you've been given a second chance, something people so rarely get. Take it and make something more of yourself."

Even her voice was changing, no longer as clear, but sounded like she was speaking from down a long narrow hallway.

"Lilly where are you going? What's happening?"

"You no longer need me as your guide. You are now fully aware of your new reality."

He lunged towards her, desperate to anchor to him, but his hands pushed through her fading body, and he couldn't even hear the laughter he saw in her face.

"Lilly!" he cried, even as she completed disappeared, leaving him alone.

* * *

><p><em>I'm sorry I cant always find the words to say<em>

_but everything I've ever known gets swept away_

_inside of your love_

* * *

><p>Logan waited at Meg's graveside until the sun dipped below the horizon, but Lilly never reappeared, leaving him alone in this terrible new world. He didn't know what else to do, so he returned to his house because it was the first place he'd encountered Lilly when he awakened this morning.<p>

Aaron was there, though Kendall wasn't, and the dark edge to his father's voice when he greeted him was enough to send shivers of apprehension down Logan's spine.

"Nice of you to come back, son. Where've you been all day?"

Logan shrugged offhandedly, dropping the Rover's keys into the bowl by the door.

"Driving around."

"In _my_ car? Without _my_ permission?"

Years of trying to predict his father's every mood had made Logan an expert in microexpressions, so he was prepared for the lunge for his throat, as the flare of satisfied anger had predated the attack. He could've avoided it with ease, but he'd learned never to make his father try again, because then the punishment would be even worse.

"What do you have to say?"

Since Aaron's hand was squeezing him so he was incapable of responding verbally, Logan swept his eyes down in a submissive gesture, even as it galled him. In the past year, he'd grown used to being his own man, making his own decisions, and being beholden to no one, so it should've been hard to slip back into the pattern of abuse, but instead is slid on like well-worn shoes because the span of independence was shorter than the lifetime of conditioning beneath his father's fist.

"Go into my room and select a belt."

A large part of Logan wanted to protest, or attack him, or even mock him with the knowledge his son was dipping his wick in his father's well, but a stronger part of him did as Aaron bid, and he found himself standing before a familiar belt rack. Each one - thin, thick, wide, leather, snakeskin, cloth - were old friends lovingly applied to his skin until his voice trembled with the effort of counting the lashes. Sometimes there weren't many, other times he fumbled or so Aaron said, and he was forced to start all over, until the skin was blistered and bruised. Only one time did a belt scar him as his father had been drunk at the time of the punishment, and had chosen a metal one. No, most of the scars riddling his body were from before Aaron discovered the usefulness of belts as more than holding up his pants.

Logan was already bared and bent over his father's desk in the study when the click of the lock engaging preceded the fiery lick of leather against vulnerable flesh. The rain of pain was indiscriminate and imprecise, each strike telling Logan he was less than nothing, mere property to his father to be disposed as he wished, in whatever manner. It was the same message he'd had etched into his skin since before his first memory, though he'd never discovered the reason for such loathing and hatred spent upon him by the man predisposed to love him by virtue of donated genetic material.

"Did you know Kendall takes two showers a day?"

He startled at his father's voice, unprepared for words because Aaron hadn't indicated he was in the mood for anything less than complete surrender. Conversation, even imprecations, meant the cold rage he felt at his back wasn't completely directed at him, and he could possibly escape this beating with consciousness, something he hadn't dared hope for when he first realized his father's mood.

"No, sir, I didn't."

"Sir," Aaron drawled mockingly, "how respectfully you speak to me, yet you disrespect me in _my own fucking house_ by sleeping with my wife."

Logan froze, all blood draining from his face as he realized the extent of the danger he was in. His father's chuckle raised all the hairs on his body as his primal brain instinctively understood his soft parts were left unprotected from a predator's teeth.

"I see you don't bother trying to deny it." The soft caress of stinging flesh made Logan's skin twitch with irritation. "After a while, she didn't either."

There could only be one conclusion drawn from Aaron's words, and Logan didn't hold out hope she was still alive. Lilly hadn't mentioned if Kendall was an abused wife, but Logan didn't think so because she hadn't had the same look in her eye as his mother did. He didn't bother sparing a thought to wonder why she'd escaped it as it didn't matter in the end; she'd finally come face to face with the monster beneath his father's multi-million dollar mask, a direct result of her own greed. She'd probably tried to save her skin by throwing Logan to the beast's teeth, but it was a foregone conclusion because no one left Aaron. _He _ left them.

Logan was almost relieved when the fury of his father's anger was spent and darkness was encroaching on his vision. The dullness of death was comforting because there no reason to live if Veronica Mars didn't exist. It seemed his father won no matter _what_ reality, but at least Logan wasn't forced to live with the results of his father's sins in this one.

* * *

><p><em>And everything I have in this world<em>

_and all that I'll ever be_

_it could all fall down around me_

_just as long as I have you right here by me_

* * *

><p>"You okay?"<p>

Logan's eyes snapped open and he stared up at Veronica's concerned face. He realized three things simultaneously: they were lying in bed together, he was naked, and she looked older than nineteen.

"What's going on?"

She sighed and shook her head, pushing back the covers as she straightened from her position leaning over his body.

"If I'd known you would drink so much at the party, I would've gone instead of working, but I figured you'd be okay alone."

Logan felt bitterness welling, slowly overwhelming his shock and happiness at seeing her. He wasn't sure what was going on since his last memory was of climbing the stairs with Madison in Aspen, but whatever this reality was, it didn't seem any different than the one he'd lived in before his _It's a Shitty Life without Veronica _psychedelic trip. She was still putting work above everything, including him. He loved the fact she was a private eye and an all around badass to know, but he loathed the risks she took and wished she thought he was half as important as her cases.

"Still nose to the grindstone. I'm surprised you even bothered coming over after you were finished with your_ client_."

A small hand flashed out and smacked him hard on the shoulder. He winced as his head protested the movement and closed his eyes in hopes the room would stop spinning.

"You know I hate when you refer to them like that. I know you wanted me to go to the party, but honey, this is my last contract before the baby is born and I couldn't say no to the amount of money they offered me. Yes, we have plenty of money and I don't have to work, but I like contributing..."

To be honest, Logan had no idea what she said after the words "the baby is born," and slowly moved until he leaned on elbow so he could get a good look at her. The sun shining through the window (into a room he didn't recognize at all) illuminated a glowing Veronica, her small body rounded with said baby. She was expressing herself quite vehemently, but all he could focus on was the evidence of their love; tears welled as he bent over her stomach and kissed the protruding mound, a corresponding ripple beneath his lips drawing forth a gasp of astonishment.

"We're having a baby, Ronnie. We're having a baby."

The same hand that did violence moments ago came to gently rest on his hair, softly petting him.

"I know, Logan. I know. I can't believe I'm almost due."

He looked up at the quaver in her voice and didn't miss the excited terror flashing across her face. It didn't matter what reality he was in, he couldn't help but respond protectively to her fear; he gathered her into his arms (grinning at her grumble about being too big to cuddle) and folded himself around her. It was amazing to him how not only did she allow him the privilege of comforting her, but also whispered "I love you," easily. He could tell by her easy familiar tone she was used to saying it.

"I love you too, sugarpuss."

* * *

><p><em>And everything I have in this world<em>

_and all that I'll ever be_

_it could all fall down around me_

_just as long as I have you right here by me_

* * *

><p>Logan eyes flew open and he cursed long and loud when he recognized the ceiling above him. He was back in Aspen, the sunny room filled with love and trembling promises nothing but a pipe dream. There was a body next to him, and he dreaded looking, because the last thing he remembered was Madison snaking herself around him, and his corresponding "Fuck it," attitude because he was angry with Veronica and wanted to metaphorically thumb his nose at her. Pain – of the spiritual kind – coursed through him as he realized in his drunken rage, he'd probably shredded any chances of getting her back, especially when she found out about this hookup.<p>

He didn't fool himself into thinking she _wouldn't_ find out; Veronica was an expert at ferreting out seemingly impossible information and somehow, someway, this would get back to her. He'd come up here with Dick because he knew he would've gone running after her regardless of her anger. It was pathetic, but being without her was even worse. His dream had pointed out to him just how intrinsic she was, to the marrow of his very being, and there would never be another who'd mean as much.

"Hmm, such intense thoughts..."

The sleepy rumble didn't hide the snarky tone and he whipped his head to the right, staring into the very blue eyes of one Veronica Mars.

"What the fuck?"

Her blond brow wrinkled a little and she leaned away from him. Panicked, he grabbed her and rolled himself on top of her so she couldn't get away. Logan wasn't sure if this was another dream or his actual reality, but regardless of how much time he had with her, he'd take it.

"You're real? You're really here?"

Comprehension dawned in her face and she laughed lightly while shaking her head.

"You need to stop drinking so much, Logan. It isn't good for your brain or your liver."

"I'm stupid without you. Stay?"

"You don't remember much about last night do you?"

He tried to think, but it was blank after following Madison, but he wasn't _that_ stupid he'd mention her arch enemy. Whatever happened must've been good otherwise she wouldn't be here with him now.

"I started my dinner with a four course meal of Jose, Jack, Johnny, and Bud and followed with a dessert consisting of Irish Car bombs."

"Trust me, I know. I was here watching you doing it."

The wry if condemning tone brought his eyes back to her face. She had seen him with Madison, that much was clear. What wasn't was how _she_ ended up in bed with him instead of the other girl.

"How?"

A blush stained her cheeks red and he watched mesmerized as the color fled south; if things were a little different he might've followed the path with his lips, but right now it was vital he found out how they ended up here together.

"I don't know what drove me to come here … I mean, I was fine by myself..." her voice trailed off and she ducked her head. "Ok, I was miserable too and thought you should hear some home truths yourself, but every time I called, it went straight to voicemail."

"Yeah, on the first day here, I broke my cell when I slid down while skiing."

Left unsaid was the uncharacteristic tumble occurred because Logan, usually extremely athletic, was drunker than a lord in June. He'd started drinking the minute they left the outskirts of Neptune and hadn't really let up until now. He'd wanted the two weeks to pass in a drunken haze so he could get through a holiday he loathed anyway and so he wouldn't have to think about how fucked up his life was right now.

"My dad had a skip trace in Nevada, so I found myself alone. I hung out with Wallace and Mac a lot, but both got sick of me moping and told me repeatedly to call you. Mac finally said what you did wasn't that horrible because you did it out of love."

Logan decided right then and there when he and Veronica had their daughter, they'd name it Mackenzie. She was a true pal. He leaned down and nuzzled her neck, loving how she automatically tilted her head to expose it for him; it was a sign of trust, one of the few overt ones she had since she wasn't very expressive in words.

"Wait...that still doesn't explain how you...me..." he waved a hand at their entwined bodies.

"Uh, yeah...about that. I kinda lied to the management about being your...um...fiancee and they let me come up here. Things were fine until..."

He grinned a little at the lie, then his lips dipped into a frown at the guilt shifting her blue eyes away from him.

"Ronnie."

"Well, you came in with _her_ and I sorta lost it."

Logan craned his head around and blinked when he saw the room was a shambles, with several broken things lying by the door.

"She still alive or do I need to call Cliff?"

"Oh, the bitch is alive, but she's probably wishing she wasn't after I broke her nose and gave her a black eye."

The deep satisfaction tingeing her voice was seductive and he swooped down to take her lips in a fierce kiss, putting his heart and soul into it, expressing his relief and love at her presence in his bed. They were a volatile passionate couple who'd probably rip the world apart in their struggles, but for once _she'd_ chased after him, _she'd_ done violence on his behalf. Logan lifted his head after several long drugging minutes later, smug about the slumberous slant of her eyes. He could feel the softening in her small body and knew if he touched her in certain places, he'd find her warm and willing.

"Will we work this time?"

Her vulnerability in asking it was a form of trust, something he could feel newly stirring between them. He didn't know the future, nor could he give her assurances beyond the general, because even as much as he loved her, he didn't have faith in _anything_ beyond the day to day much less something as complicated as their relationship. So he gave her the only true belief in his world.

"I love you, sugarpuss."

"I love you too, Logan."

* * *

><p><em>The universe took a breath and held it for an eternal moment before shushing out in a sound reminiscent of church bells extolling the midnight hour. A bright shining ball shot across the sky like a shooting star and joined an even brighter ball of light.<em>

"_So does this mean I've accomplished my task and will get my wings?"_

_The deep sigh was unnecessary, of course, since the speaker didn't need breath or oxygen, but had found it was the best way to express frustration. Of course, angels normally didn't feel frustration, but this was a special case._

"_Lilly, we've talked about this..."_

"_But I fixed the problem and got them back together! You said I had to mend what was broken and bring together what was parted. Even a newbie like me knows Logan and Veronica belong together, that their souls were split and placed in two bodies."_

"_You messed with the timeline."_

"_Timeline, smiline. If I hadn't tweaked it a little, they would've gotten together _after_ he made the mistake with that skanky bitch Madison and it would've made everything worse when 'Ronica found out!"_

"_They were meant to be parted and go through trials and tribulations. There's a plan for all soul-mates, a test to make sure they're meant to be together in eternity."_

_The growl coming from the light named Lilly would've startled anyone else, but the angel had been dealing with her for a while, and wasn't surprised by her still humanistic tendencies. _

"_I followed the original timeline. Sure, they would've eventually gotten together, after Piz, after Parker, but the snarl of him sleeping with her mortal enemy would be a wound that would never really heal between them; they would've been together, but not as deep as they are now."_

_The angel reached out and traced the new timeline weaving through the stars, seeing there were still problems in their future, could see the split that fractured them, but it eventually healed and they were brought back together by another small event which led them to a more mature and realistic relationship. The time they spent apart from each other was both restive and needed because it forced them to deal with the issues which were the rocky shoals beneath the deep swelling passion of their love. His light shone a little brighter when he touched a particular moment in their future and realized why this was meant to be. _

"_No Lilly, you won't get your wings for this."_

"_Why not?" _

"_You have a choice to make. Redemption as it were"_

"_Redemption?"_

_He heard the quavering hope in her mental contact and brushed her light affectionately. It was part of his job as a Soul Guardian to bring those caught In Between to a better understanding of their choices, but not all were given the chance to redeem themselves quite so quickly. _

"_You could continue being a Guardian with me, or..."_

"_Or...what?"_

"_You could be reborn into the Timeline and make better decisions. Treat yourself and your soul with the respect it deserves."_

_The angel felt when her past life flashed, the images as familiar and clear as the stars surrounding them. It was strange to touch such sorrow and pain, only slightly lightened by small snatches of love and laughter. He knew which moments gave her hope and longing; it was clear why she had done everything in her limited power to bring the soul-mates together again. She'd been the initial reason why Veronica and Logan hadn't coupled when they were all young and still somewhat innocent; her interference had sent them all spiraling on a different path, a new timeline which was darker and meaner than intended. Such was the awesome power of free will. _

"_Will my life be better?"_

"_You know I can't tell you that. It's up to you. It always was and always will be."_

_Lilly's light dimmed until it was barely seen through the stars dotting the firmament. He waited with the patience of an eternal being and listened to the harmonies of the universe as she came to her own conclusions. Time had no meaning here, so eons might've passed or it could've been faster than a second, but the angel stirred when she bounced again, her light so pure he felt the urge to close his eyes against the glare._

"_I've made my choice."_

_She instantly faded from sight and he combed the Great Timeline for her until he felt the second her soul slipped back into mortal flesh, the cry of an angry newborn rending the space between them until he stood next to the bed when she slipped from her mother's womb. He smiled at the parents she chose, seeing her new form was a perfect blending of the two, with a thatch of brown hair and bright blue eyes. _

"_Goodbye Lilly," he softly crooned before returning to his position in the night sky._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Here's a cookie for the readers who guessed this is a parody of_ It's a Wonderful Life._ It's something of a tradition to watch this movie every year and as a result, it's not too surprising my idea would take shape along the lines of Capra's chestnut. I'd been kicking this idea around for a while, but always from Veronica's point of view. Yet, why would she wish she was never born? I could never answer that essential question to my satisfaction so the story never really took off for me. Then it hit me – what if Logan wished it? There were plenty of reasons for him to wish it in a moment of angst-riddled rage, plus he was apart of many of her cases, or on the periphery, but might not understand how truly important Veronica was to Neptune's crime rate. And if Veronica didn't exist, why would Keith stick around? It kind of just snowballed from there until I had this story. As always, when I post something, I see different things I could change or the direction I should've gone in, but I'm letting this one go and hoping it will finally cease clawing at my mind now. Yes, there's a happy ending, as I am incapable of leaving them torn apart, but hopefully it wasn't too sappy.**


	8. For the First Time and Their Last

**For the First Time (And Their Last)**

**Song lyrics by The Script**

**Veronica Mars - post Season 3**

**Supernatural - "Swan Song" Season 5 AU brief one-shot look at the time lapse between Sam going into Lucifer's Cage and Dean showing up on Lisa's doorstep**

**A/N: I know me publishing another Veronica Mars story, even a one shot, is somewhat sacrilegious since there are three stories I've been writing that need to be finished first, but due to life interfering, I've lost a few months. Unfortunately as a result, my Muse was distracted by other things and so this is my attempt to get back into the swing of things in the Mars 'verse. I want to give recognition to Eleri McCleod, Lizzy Rebel, and Listentothemath because their Mars/Winchester crossovers kept circling in my brain last night after I read them and when I heard this song this morning, this little story popped up fully formed.**

**A/N #2: I moved this song from its own post to the lyrics version of LoVe short stories because I felt it was better suited here. If you've read this before and reviewed, thanks for taking the time to reread it. If this is completely new to you, thanks for stopping by and reading!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart<em>

**(Dean saves her after Keith and Logan are killed)**

_While I'm drinking Jack all alone in my local bar_

**(He can't help her, doesn't know how to comfort her, so he retreats to the only place he knows)**

_And we don't know how_

**(He knows its his fault because his family started the Apocalypse)**

_How we got into this mad situation_

**(Veronica can't get over the ways she kept blaming Logan even as he loved her to his last day)**

_Only doing things out of frustration_

**(He keeps on hunting and she keeps running away)**

**###  
><strong>

_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard_

**(They fall together because they have no one else and are tired of being alone)**

_She needs me now but I can't seem to find the time_

**(He knows she needs more than he has to give, but he's all tapped out)**

_I've got a new job now in the unemployment line_

**(He's surprised by how easily she lies, cheats, and steals)**

_And we don't know how_

**(He knows, but he doesn't say)**

_How we got into this mess, is it God's test?_

**(He knows there is no God, not any more, and she never believed in Him anyway)**

_Someone help us 'cause we're doing our best_

**(Cass and Bobby and her weird friend Mac are the only ones who seem to care and try to anchor them)**

**###  
><strong>

_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard_

**(They stumble into bed after a really hard hunt)**

_But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine_

**(She's not much of a drinker and he's not as drunk as he pretends)**

_Sit talkin' up all night_

**(Their passion is the sound and the fury, but no words pass their lips)**

_Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah_

**(Neither ask what caused the scars their fingers brush across)**

_We're smiling but we're close to tears_

(**He sees the women who've died in her face and she sees Logan's shadow fall across him)**

_Even after all these years_

**(He'll never forget and she refuses to remember)**

_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_

**(For just a moment when she wakes, she thinks he's Logan)**

_For the first time_

**(And he lets her)**

_**###**  
><em>

_She's in line at the door with her head held high_

**(He hates how much he cares when she's hurt)**

_While I just lost my job but didn't lose my pride_

**(She hates how much she relies on him for everything)**

_But we both know how_

**(They really don't)**

_How we're gonna make it work when it hurts_

**(Everything hurts and sometimes it seems easier to give up)**

_When you pick yourself up you get kicked to the dirt_

**(They've been knocked down so many times, it's harder and harder to get back up)**

_**###**  
><em>

_Trying to make it work but man these times are hard_

**(They stumble into bed after a really hard hunt)**

_But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine_

**(She's not much of a drinker and he's not as drunk as he pretends)**

_Sit talkin' up all night_

**(Their passion is the sound and the fury, but no words pass their lips)**

_Doing things we haven't for a while, a while yeah_

**(Both ignore the others' scars their fingers brush across)**

_We're smiling but we're close to tears_

(**He sees the women who've died in her face and she sees Logan's shadow fall across him)**

_Even after all these years_

**(He'll never forget and she refuses to remember)**

_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_

**(For just a moment when she wakes, she thinks he's Logan)**

_For the first time_

**(And he lets her)**

_**###**  
><em>

_Yeah, drinking old cheap bottles of wine_

**(She's not much of a drinker and he's not as drunk as he pretends)**

_Sit talkin' up all night_

**(Their passion is the sound and the fury, but no words pass their lips)**

_Saying things we haven't for a while_

**(Neither ask what caused the scars their fingers brush across)**

_We're smiling but we're close to tears_

**(He sees the women who've died in her face and she sees Logan's shadow fall across him)**

_Even after all these years_

**(He'll never forget and she refuses to remember)**

_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting_

**(For just a moment when she wakes, she thinks he's Logan)**

_For the first time_

**(And he lets her)**

**###  
><strong>

_Yeah, for the first time_

**(And he lets her)**

_Oh, for the first time_

**(And he lets her)**

_Yeah, for the first time, yeah_

**(And he lets her)**

_We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time_

**(For just a moment when she wakes, she thinks he's Logan)**

**###  
><strong>

_Oh, these times are hard_

**(The hunts are way too dangerous)**

_Yeah they're making us crazy_

**(Her hands aren't big enough to stem the blood)**

_Don't give up on me baby_

**(She's dying and he can't save her)**

**###  
><strong>

_Oh, these times are hard_

**(The hunts are way too dangerous)**

_Yeah they're making us crazy_

**(Her hands aren't big enough to stem the blood)**

_Don't give up on me baby_

**(She's dying and he can't save her)**

**###  
><strong>

_Oh, these times are hard_

**(The hunts are way too dangerous)**

_Yeah they're making us crazy_

**(Her hands aren't big enough to stem the blood)**

_Don't give up on me baby_

**(She's dying and he can't save her)**

**###  
><strong>

_Oh, these times are hard_

**(Now Dean's alone again)**

_Yeah they're making us crazy_

**(He still sees her riding shotgun next to him)**

_Don't give up on me baby _

**(Veronica is just one more he couldn't save)**


End file.
